. Det er fanme alverdens ting man kan få lavet nu om dage. 
Nyheder
Se indlæg
 Dagens joke
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 18/06-2015 15:47
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 Ekspert medlem  Antal indlæg: 5534 |
The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican and because they are THE seven dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey leads the pack. "Dopey my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?" Dopey asks, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?" The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome." In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them. Dopey turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?" The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "No Dopey there are no dwarf nuns in Europe." This time all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare. Dopey turns back and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?" "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world." The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting.... "Dopey fucked a penguin! Dopey fucked a penguin ..... |
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| Kim Ludvigsen |
Lagt på d. 18/06-2015 16:29
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2627 |
For en gangs skyld en man (jeg) ikke havde hørt før. Dem er der langt mellem 
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 19/06-2015 08:46
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years. First guy asks the second guy,"How have things been going?" The second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy, "I w..a..s a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r..I..e..d." The first guy says in amazement, "Hey; you don't stutter any more." The answer comes, " Y..e..s, I w..e...n..t t..o a d..o..c..t..o..r a..n..d h..e t..o..l..d m..e t..h..a..t I..f I s..p..e..a..k s..l..o..w..l..y I w..I..l...l n..o..t s..t..u..t..t..e..r." The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was almost married. "W..e..l..l, m..y f..i..a..n..c..e..e a..n..d I w..e..r..e s..i..t..t..i..n..g o..n h..e..r p..o..r..c..h a..n..d t..h..e d..o..g w..a..s s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..c..k a..n..d I t..o..l..d h..e..r t..h..a..t w..h..e..n w..e a...r..e m..a..r..r..I..e..d, s..h..e c..o u l d d..o t..h..a..t f..o...r m..e a..n..d s..h..e t..h..r..e..w t..h...e r..i..n..g i..n m..y f..a..c..e.." "Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the first friend. " W..e..l..l, I s..p..e..a..k s..o s..l..o..w..l..y, t...h..a..t b..y t..h..e t..i..m..e s..h..e l...o..o..k..e..d a..t t..h..e d..o..g, h..e w..a..s l..i..c..k..i..n..g h..i..s n..u..t..s" "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 24/06-2015 09:23
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
"You'll be fine,"the Doctor said after finishing the young woman's surgery. "But,"she asked,"How long will it be before I am able to have a normal *** life again Doctor ?" The Surgeon seemed to pause and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye. The girl was alarmed. "What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?" He replied,"Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 24/06-2015 12:55
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 Superadministrator  Antal indlæg: 6782 |
Nu er der jo en heftig debat i nogle andre tråde her efter folketingsvalget. Der er allerede klasket nye skilte op ved de danske grænser: 
Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 26/06-2015 06:16
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
En bonde står och passar en stor flock får som betar på fjället när plötsligt en splitter ny BMW stannar till på vägen nedanför. En kille i Armani-kostym, Gucci-skor, Ray Ban-solglasögon och en YSL-slips sticker ut huvudet ur bilen och ropar till bonden: - Om jag kan räkna ut hur många får du har på betet, kan jag ta med mig ett av fåren då? Bonden tittar på killen och den spridda flocken får och säger: - Det är okej för mig! Killen kör fram sin BMW till bonden och tar fram en Dell Notebook som han lägger på motorhuven. Med hjälp av Nokias senaste 3G-telefon kopplar han upp sig mot NASA. Han kontaktar ett GPS-satellitnavigationssystem, hämtar den exakta positionen och matar in den i en annan satellit som skannar betesområdet med en ultrahögupplösningskamera. Så öppnar han den digitala bilden i Adobe Photoshop och exporterar den till en annat ställe på internet: "image processing facility" i Hamburg. Inom några sekunder får han ett e-postsvar i retur i sin Palm Pilote, där det står: "picture processed and data stored". Så loggar in på en MS-SQL databas via ODBC och kopplar upp ett Excel-dokument med flera avancerade formler. När detta är gjort kör han all data genom e-posten till Xircom och på ett ögonblick får han respons. Avslutningsvis skriver han ut en 150 sidors fyrfärgsrapport på sin Miniaty-Hitech-HP Color Laser Jet, kastar ett öga på sista sidan och säger till bonden: - Hm... Du har exakt 1586 djur. - Det stämmer, säger bonden, så du kan ta med ett av fåren. Bonden tittar på när killen går runt för att välja ut ett av fåren, som han därefter jobbar mycket hårt med att få ner i bagageluckan på sin helt nya bil. Då säger bonden: - Du, om jag kan säga exakt vad du jobbar med, kan jag få tillbaka fåret då? Killen tänker en stund, men går med på det. - Jo, du är konsult, säger bonden. - Det stämmer! säger killen förvånat, hur kunde du veta det? - Det var inga problem, säger bonden. Du kom hit utan att någon bett dig, tog betalt för att berätta något som jag redan visste och dessutom har du ingen aning om hur den här branschen fungerar. Så var nu snäll och öppna bagageluckan och lämna tillbaka min hund! |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 27/06-2015 11:13
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A priest says to his friend, the rabbi, that he has developed a plan of eating for free in really good restaurants. "I simply go in at well past 9 pm, eat several courses slowly, and linger over coffee, dessert, until they are cleaning up. I keep sitting there until eventually a waiter comes up and asks me to pay. Then I say, 'I've already paid my original waiter who has left for the night.' And, because I am a man of the cloth, the waiter takes my word for it, and I just simply walk out the front door as calm as can be." The rabbi, clearly impressed says, "Let's try it together this evening." The priest agrees and books them into an expensive, 5-Star Italian restaurant. They both eat like kings and, just as before, right at 2 am, they are both sitting quietly after enjoying their very full meal. Sure enough, a waiter comes over and hands the priest and the rabbi a bill and asks them to pay. The priest calmly says: "I've already paid our original waiter who has left for the evening." And then the rabbi adds: "And we're still waiting for the change!" "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 01/07-2015 07:32
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: "One British Royal Marine is better than ten Isis fighters". The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Royal Marine is better than one hundred Isis 'S.O.B.'s'". Furious, the Isis commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The voice calls out again: "One Royal Marine is better than a thousand Isis fighters." The enraged Isis commander musters 1,000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought ..... then silence. Eventually, one badly wounded Isis fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men ... it's a trap. There's two of the bastards." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 02/07-2015 06:06
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Grandma's Oranges Lulu was a *******, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside and made them line up. Suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by. Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, Lulu told her that the police were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some. "Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all the prostitutes. When he got to grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it old girl?" Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck em' dry." The policeman fainted.
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 02/07-2015 16:24
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Den er lang - men go.... Anger Management When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know, but you do know deserves it.... ---------------------------- I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying 'Hello' I politely said, 'This is Chris. May I please speak with Robyn Carter?' Suddenly a loud voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f***ing number!' And the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole!' And hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, And put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!' It always cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?' He yelled 'NO!' And slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an asshole!' And hung up.. One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too. I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?' He said, 'Yes, it is.' I then asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?' He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd. , in Fairfax It's a yellow ranch style house And the car's parked right out in front.' I asked, 'What's your name?' He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.' I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?' He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.' I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?' He said, 'Yes?' I said, 'Don, you're an asshole!' Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea... I called asshole #1. He said, 'Hello' I said, 'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, 'Are you still there?' I said, 'Yeah!' He screamed, ! 'Stop calling me' I said, 'Make me.' He asked, 'Who are you?' I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.' He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?' I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd.., in Fairfax , a yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.' He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.' I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' and hung up. Then I called Asshole #2. He said, 'Hello?' I said, 'Hello, asshole,' He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are....' I said, 'You'll what?' He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass' I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.' Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax . I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax . I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew. NOW I feel much better. Anger Management really works! "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 03/07-2015 04:01
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
Explaining the concept of an "infinite loop" Infinite loop is a computer programming concept, describing a situation of cause and effect that continues forever, one action causing another action that reflects on the first action etc A company CEO tells his secretary: "Next week we're going to a convention abroad and spend some quality time together, please make all the required arrangements." The secretary calls her husband: "Next week the boss is taking me abroad for a week on business, please take care of yourself during this time." The husband calls his lover: "My wife is going abroad for a week, let’s spend it together..." The lover, a private school teacher, tells the children: "Because of a personal problem, I will not be at school next week, so you'll be studying at home." One of the kids went to his grandfather and said: "Grandpa, next week I don't have school, you promised me that if I had time off we'd go to the mountains together." The grandfather, who was also the CEO, calls his secretary and tells her: "My grandson asked me to spend the week with him, so we're not going abroad." The secretary calls her husband: "The boss cancelled, we'll be together, my love." The husband calls his lover: "We can't spend the week together, my wife is staying." The lover tells the kids: "My problem was solved, school is back on." The kid goes to the grandfather: "Sorry grandpa, school is back on, I won't be able to go." The CEO calls his secretary: "My grandson won't be able to spend next week with me, rebook the flight abroad" The secretary calls her husband.... |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 03/07-2015 05:40
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage. I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it. Then I got him a Kilkenny's. r03; r03; He didn't like that either, so I drank it. Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager. r03; r03; He didn't. r03; r03; I drank it. I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's. Nope! r03; r03; In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast , Ireland 's finest. r03; r03; He wouldn't even smell it. r03; r03; What could I do but drink it! By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push his stroller back home. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 05/07-2015 13:10
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Martha recently lost her husband. She had him > Cremated and brought his ashes home. > > Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured > him out on the patio table. > > Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, > she started talking to him.... > > You know that dishwasher you promised me? I > bought it with the insurance money!" > > She paused for a minute tracing her fingers > in the ashes then said, "Remember that car you promised > me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!" > > Again, she paused for a few minutes and while > tracing her fingers in the ashes she said, "Remember > that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the > insurance money!" > > Finally, still tracing her fingers in the > ashes, She said, "Remember that blow job I promised you?" > > "Well here it comes." 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 06/07-2015 13:29
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
GRANDFATHER OF THE YEAR!! A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, and all sorts of things. The grandfather is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long". Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say, "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there”. At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the cart. Grandfather says again in a controlled voice, "William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William." Very impressed, the woman goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying that things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandfather." "Thanks," says the grandfather, "but I am William, this little bastard's name is Kevin". 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 07/07-2015 12:00
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Superadministrator Antal indlæg: 6782 |
Fandme også groft, havde nok selv smadret manden fuldstændig - men nu meget sjovt at kigge på: Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 07/07-2015 12:06
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Superadministrator Antal indlæg: 6782 |
Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 08/07-2015 08:23
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Man behøver ikke kunne forstå tysk for at fatte denneher..... http://www.snotr....video/8965 "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 08/07-2015 11:37
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
En enkelt dråbe er nok......... https://groups.go...authuser=0 "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 09/07-2015 11:12
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Superadministrator Antal indlæg: 6782 |
 Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 13/07-2015 11:25
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there'.... and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. *The note read:* 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants...... After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady. *It read:* 'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be: "I have a Bentley Mulsanne, a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a PorscheTurbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in London, Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Texas . There is over eighty million dollars in my bank accounts and investment portfolios. But not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut off two inches! *Just send the f***ing wine back. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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