. Det er fanme alverdens ting man kan få lavet nu om dage. 
Nyheder
Se indlæg
 Dagens joke
|
|
| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 18/07-2014 14:31
|
 Ekspert medlem  Antal indlæg: 5534 |
A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'. He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his cell phone (Thank god for cell phones!). "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?" "Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons. Have a nice day." |
|
|
|
| Papa |
Lagt på d. 20/07-2014 22:09
|
 Øvet medlem  Antal indlæg: 245 |
Boes skrev: BOB & THE BLONDE: Bob walked into a sports bar at 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I knew he would jump." The blonde replied, "I did, too, but I didn't think he'd do it again." Bob took the money.  , Der måtte jeg sgu grine højt for mig selv. Tak Boes 
"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that." |
|
|
|
| waree |
Lagt på d. 22/07-2014 09:10
|
 Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 304 |
 gay party |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 22/07-2014 12:38
|
 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A wealty Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, 5 carats of diamonds, and $50,000 dollars. A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate more of his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Black Magic chocolates. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before. He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money, but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates." To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins". "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| GAMBIT |
Lagt på d. 23/07-2014 03:49
|
 Erfarent medlem  Antal indlæg: 1244 |
Den forlængede Pauseunderholdning gav Robert tid i sit blå hjørne til slikke sine sår at blive rådført af Team Pyro Consulting I det røde hjørne blev der heppet og ikke 1 gang sad Bjarne "visa" Jensen på taburetten og hvilte sig - han føler sejren nu er nær og det er et spørgsmål om tid før "Robin Robert" bliver sendt til tælling.. MEN hvad er nu det !?! Der er en masse hviskeri i Roberts hjørne og det ser ud som om at der bliver rystet på hovedet fra holdet og på Robert selv! Trækker "Robin Robert" sig nu vil dette holde stik med komiteens forudsigelser om denne dyst! JA! mine damer og herrer!: Håndklædet ER Kastet sekunder før starten af 6 runde og vi ser søreme "Robin Robert" løbe afsted med DTW sværvægts beltet  Bjarne som debutant må se langt efter bæltet - og modtager i stedet komiteens og publikums respekt Fordelen tilfalder til Bjarne " Visa" Jensen i denne dyst Mens "Robin Robert" stikker halen mellem benene og mister hermed sin troværdighed overfor tilskuerne. En ensidet kamp - David vs Goliath er nu ved vejs ende. |
|
|
|
| waree |
Lagt på d. 23/07-2014 04:46
|
|
Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 304 |
sejren skal vaere meget overbevisende for at vinde paa udebane |
|
|
|
| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 23/07-2014 09:02
|
 Superadministrator  Antal indlæg: 6782 |
Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
 |
|
| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 23/07-2014 14:55
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
An attractive woman from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude". With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed..."YES, YES, I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." |
|
|
|
| GAMBIT |
Lagt på d. 23/07-2014 18:13
|
|
Erfarent medlem Antal indlæg: 1244 |
JS skrev: Bjarne t Jensen skrev: Nu har jeg opgivet at se pengene og det er som der er. Men jeg håber at andre for en bedre behandling af Robert. Ærgrer mig da over forløbet. men er blevet en erfaring rigere. Publikumsfavoritten Robert er helt upåvirket af JS's og andre off-topics, rutineret fighter! og Robert får som altid sympati blandt de højtråbende tilskuere, også selvom han bruger feje tricks, tydeligt at se at han er på hjemmebane! men hvad er nu det!! Bjarne rækker ud mod håndklædet her i 5. runde, er han på vej til at give op helt umotiveret? mine damer og herre, det er en verdensklassekamp vi er vidne til her her i den varme agurketid! Gong Gong'en ringer og hermed slut på 5. omgang. Det bliver så spændende i 6. omgang! hæng på og nu til pause underholdning: Formidabel tema sang på aftenens dyst og en velfortjent forlænget pause giver Bjarne "Visa" Jensen og Robin Robert tid til at reflektere over kampens næste 6 omgang! I det BLÅ hjørne - En omtåget "Robin Robert" får en pause fra tovene og sidder tungt på taburetten og bliver rådført af Team Pyro Consulting, her viskes der i Robin Roberts øre, hvad der viskes om må tiden vise. I det RØDE hjørne har vi nybegynderen Bjarne "Visa" Jensen som utrætteligt står i sit hjørne og venter på gongongen og nærme sig en mulig dom over DTW sværvægteren "Robin Robert" og hans usportslige optræden i ringen i aften. Komiteen tilskynder begyndelsen til 6. runde med en kraftig understregning til Rober om at gå væk fra tovene. MEN hvad er nu det!? Et Postyr fra Robin Roberts hjørne udmunder i Team Pyro Consulting kaster håndklædet i ringen og der viftes med armene til afsluttet deltagelse af dysten! Publikum måber mens Robin Robert forsvinder ud af rampelyset - stadig med DTW bæltet om sig ! Der lyder klagesang fra tilskuerpladserne om endu en runde men Robin Robert er over alle bjerge. David VS Goliath dysten ender her og Bjarne "Visa" Jensen står skuffet uden DTW bæltet, men med æren i behold. Sværvægteren beholder bæltet men har lidt stort knæk i publikums tiltro til "Robin Robert" og Pyro consulting. Lyset slukkes og folk går hjem - i folks munde viskes Robert er Slem!  |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 28/07-2014 05:31
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by >the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. "I'm >afraid I don't have a husband" she replies. "O.K. Do you have a boyfriend?" >asks the Midwife. "No, no boyfriend either.""Do you have a partner then?" >"No, I'm not attached, I'll be having my baby on my own." After the birth >the midwife again speaks to the young woman, "You have a healthy bouncing >baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black." >"Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with no money and >nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porn film. The lead man was >black." "Oh, I`m very sorry," says the midwife, "that`s really none of my >Business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I >must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair." "Well yes," the girl >again replies, "you see the co-star in the movie was this Swedish guy." >"Oh, I`m sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business >either and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes." >"Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man also in the >movie, I really had no choice." At this, the midwife again apologises, >collects the baby and presents her to the girl,who immediately proceeds to >give the baby a Good slap on the butt. The baby starts crying and the >mother exclaims, "Thank god for that!" "What do you mean?" says the >midwife, shocked. "Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this >horrible feeling that she was going to bark." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 30/07-2014 07:32
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag." "Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer. "Well, now, not so fast," said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?" "Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it? So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.' "Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?" "Not everybody pays." |
|
|
|
| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 31/07-2014 17:13
|
|
Superadministrator Antal indlæg: 6782 |
Oppustelig gris: Er man hurtig så kan den erhverves via Den Blå Avis for sølle 200 danske træpenge: - Oppustelig gris Update: Ja, altså ikke mig der har dem til salg så drop bare de private beskeder.... lol 
Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
|
|
|
| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 01/08-2014 12:57
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
Zoo keeper says to Paddy, "The gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with it. Would you consider shagging it for 500 pounds?". Paddy replies, "I will on 3 conditions: 1st I'm not going to kiss it. 2nd my family must never know. 3rd I'll need a couple of weeks to get the cash together!" |
|
|
|
| vandango |
Lagt på d. 02/08-2014 22:55
|
 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 3980 |
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.' The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, 'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop too. [img]http://blu.stb.s-msn.com/i/4A/70E7184BF86D52EF9AD984B66FDD9_h316_w628_m5_cZKILRWWB.jpg[/img] is not a valid Image. |
|
|
|
| Papa |
Lagt på d. 03/08-2014 14:26
|
|
Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 245 |
vandango skrev: A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.' The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, 'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop too. [img]http://blu.stb.s-msn.com/i/4A/70E7184BF86D52EF9AD984B66FDD9_h316_w628_m5_cZKILRWWB.jpg[/img] is not a valid Image. Den var sgu go vandango, tak for et godt grin på en regnfuld søndag
"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that." |
|
|
|
| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 03/08-2014 14:40
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
http://www.youtub...Lmk_19r2GN Jeg havde lyst til at poste ovennaevnte i en anden traad. http://www.thaila...ost_219638 Her faar kunden da lidt valuta for pengene. Ren Monty Python. God fornoejelse og til dem som kender den et godt gensyn. |
|
|
|
| Asian Farmer |
Lagt på d. 05/08-2014 04:12
|
 Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 445 |
There was once a pair of high school sweethearts. When they graduated, they wanted to go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend any time they could together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didn't want to do this and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her giving her new boyfriend a blow job and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, ''I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone.'' Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken but, even more so, was pissed. So...he wrote on the back of the photo: ''Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!'' and mailed the picture to her parents. |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 05/08-2014 16:22
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
An 18 year old Aussie girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life." "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You f*&k her again." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 06/08-2014 10:37
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Three large black ladies were getting ready to take their first plane trip . . . . !! The first lady said . . . . "I don't know bout y'all, but I'm gunna put me on sum hot pink panties beefo' I gets on dat plane . . . . !!" "Why you gonna wear dem fo . . . . ??" the other two asked. The first lady replied . . . . "Cause, if dat plane goes down and I'm out dare laying butt up, in some conefield, dey gonna find me first . . . . !!" The second lady said . . . . "Well then, I'm a-gonna wear me some floeresant orange panties . . . . !!" "Why you gonna wear dem . . . . ??" the others asked. The second lady answered . . . "Cause if dis here plane is goin' down and I be floatin butt up in the oshun, dey will see me first . . . . !!" The third lady says . . . . "Well, I aint gonna wear no panties at all . . . . !!" "What . . . . No panties . . . . ??" the others said in shocked disbelief. The third lady says . . . . "Dat's right girlfriends, you hears me right . . . . I ain't wearing no panties at all . . . Cos, honey child, dey always look’n for da black box first . . . . !!" "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 08/08-2014 09:13
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month. Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days." Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms." The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days." Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer." The pharmacist says, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Spring til debat: |
