. Det er fanme alverdens ting man kan få lavet nu om dage. 
Nyheder
Se indlæg
 Dagens joke
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| Rasmus |
Lagt på d. 18/06-2014 00:38
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 Meget øvet medlem  Antal indlæg: 772 |
En lidt genert kvinde henvendte sig til præsten, og udbad sig en samtale med ham efter den sædvanlige kirkegang én søndag formiddag. Kvinden: Ja Pastor – det er lidt pinligt det her. Præsten: Sig frem mit kære sognebarn og lad min høre hvad der trykker dig. Kvinden. Jo ser de Pastor, i torsdags da jeg stod bøjet over fryseren kom min mand pludselig og tog mig bagfra. Præsten: Det skal du ikke tænke på mit kære sognebarn – sex inde for ægteskabets rammer er én ganske naturlig ting – så det skal du slet ikke skamme dig over! Kvinden: I tak Hr. Pastor, det glæder mig meget De ser sådan på det! Præsten: Naturligvis gør jeg det, så det skal du ikke tænke på mere! Kvinden: Tak Hr. Pastor – skal det så forstås således at vi forsat er velkommen her i kirken fremover? Præsten: Naturligvis mit kære sognebarn - i vel altid være velkommen her i Guds hus! Kvinden: Det glæder mig meget at De ser sådan på det – for bestyreren i Netto forretningen ønsker absolut ikke at se os der fremover! Rasmus |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 21/06-2014 19:50
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 Ekspert medlem  Antal indlæg: 2688 |
BOB & THE BLONDE: Bob walked into a sports bar at 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I knew he would jump." The blonde replied, "I did, too, but I didn't think he'd do it again." Bob took the money. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 24/06-2014 06:09
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
The Will Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons are with him. So, he says to them: "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses." "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end." "Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre." "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river." The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Doug slips away, she says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property". Sarah replies, "Property? ..hrrm the Asshole had a paper route!" |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 25/06-2014 14:05
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
The shortest video you've ever seen so pay attention... A woman goes back to work after thirty years. Watch carefully, the video is only 5 seconds long but you'll get it. If you're younger than 40 years old, you probably won't understand. www.youtube.com/e... |
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| 1viggovax |
Lagt på d. 25/06-2014 19:29
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Øvet medlem  Antal indlæg: 376 |
ja ja det var sgu længe siden |
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| Asian Farmer |
Lagt på d. 26/06-2014 18:04
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 Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 445 |
A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant. The waitress asks, "What will it be?" The man replied "a burger and a coke." "And you?" "I'll have the same," the ostrich replies. They finish their meal and pay. "That will be $4.50," The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact amount. They do this every day till Fri. "The usual?" she asked. "No, today is Friday. I'll have steak and a coke." "Me too." says the ostrich. They finish and pay. "That will be $10.95" The man reached in and pulls out the exact amount again just like all week. The waitress was dumb-founded. "How is it that you always have the exact amount?" "Well," says the man. "I was cleaning my attic and I found a dusty lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared." Wow!" said the waitress. "What did you wish for?" "I asked that when I needed to pay for something, the exact amount would appear in my pocket." "Amazing! Most people would ask for a million dollars. But what's with the ostrich?" "Well," said the man. "I also asked for a chick with long legs." Read more: http://www.ajokea...z35lIWjluI |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 28/06-2014 11:32
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!' So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!' The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?' The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!' "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 01/07-2014 20:09
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 Superadministrator  Antal indlæg: 6782 |
En ung politimand opdager en sort mand der står på taget af en ældre Ford og danser. Han kalder straks op til stationen for at få assistance. "Hvad er situationen?", spørger vagthavende. "En stor sort fætter står og danser på taget af en bil", svarer den unge betjent. "Du kan ikke sige den slags over radioen!", svarer vagthavende vredt. "OK", svarer betjenten. Efter en kort pause meddeler han: "Zulu... Tango... Sierra" Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 03/07-2014 05:32
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Three friends married women from different parts of the world... The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man married a Thai girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do ...all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table. The third man married a girl from Hellerup. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he urinates.. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Tar |
Lagt på d. 04/07-2014 01:38
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Begynder  Antal indlæg: 7 |
CARDIOLOGIST FUNERAL Would this be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral? A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge heart... covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I'm so sorry... I was just thinking of my own funeral...I'm a gynecologist!' The priest fainted... |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 05/07-2014 05:03
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
HUSBAND WANTED A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read: HUSBAND WANTED! MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!" She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!" She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?" |
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| vandango |
Lagt på d. 05/07-2014 10:46
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 3980 |
Ha ha ha ha.... |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 07/07-2014 12:06
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
An Arab had spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It got so bad that even his camel died of thirst. He crawled through the sands, certain that he was breathing his last breath, when suddenly, he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand, and discovered that he had a Manischewitz wine bottle. It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top, and out popped a genie. BUT this was no ordinary Genie. This genie appeared to be a Chasidic Rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, and tzitzis. 'Vell kid,' said the genie, 'you know how it voiks. You got tree vishes.' 'I'm not going to trust you,' says the Arab. 'I'm not going to trust a Jewish genie!' 'Vott you got to lose? Looks ta me - you're a goner anyvay!' The Arab thought about this for a minute, and decided that the genie was right. 'Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis, with plentiful food and drink.' * * * * * * * P O O F! * * * * * * * * * The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he had ever seen and he was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. 'Okee-dokee kiddo, vat's your second vish?' 'My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.' * * * * * * * P O O F !!* * * * * * * * The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare old coins and precious gems. 'Okay kid, you got just vone more vish. Best you should make it a good vone!' After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says, 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will always need and want me!' * * * * * * * P O O F!!! * * * * * * * * * He was turned into a tampon. THE MORAL OF THE STORY: If you're an Arab doing business with a Jewish genie, there's going to be a string attached. |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 08/07-2014 06:05
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
Its dark in here A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, “Its dark in here.” The man says, “Yes, it is.” Boy ~ “I have a baseball.” Man ~ “That’s nice.” Boy ~ “Want to buy it?” Man ~ “No, thanks.” Boy ~ “My dad’s outside.” Man ~ “OK, how much?” Boy ~ “$250? In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy ~ “Its dark in here.” Man ~ “Yes, it is.” Boy ~ “I have a baseball glove.” The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?” Boy ~ “$750? Man ~ “Fine.” A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.” The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.” The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?” Boy ~ “$1,000? The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that…that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.” They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, “Dark in here.” The priest says, “Don’t start that crap again.” |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 08/07-2014 10:52
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
Should’ve Bought A Hat in Vegas An elderly Florida couple, Sam and Bessie, are holidaying in Las Vegas. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, Sam buys them, and wears them back to the hotel, walking proudly. He walks into their room and says to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?” Bessie looks him over, “Nope.” Sam says excitedly, “Come on, Bessie, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?” Bessie looks again, “Nope.” Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for his boots. Again he asks, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different now?” Bessie looks up and says, “Sam, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.” Furious, Sam yells, “And do you know why it’s hanging down, Bessie? It’s hanging down because it’s looking at my new boots!” To which Bessie replies, “Should have bought a hat, Sam. Should have bought a hat.” |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 10/07-2014 03:37
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
World Cup refund After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup the Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that travelled to Brazil . He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction. |
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| Asian Farmer |
Lagt på d. 12/07-2014 11:09
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Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 445 |
Jesus, Moses, and an old man go golfing. The first one to tee off is Moses. He smashes the ball and it is heading right for the water hazard before the green. Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball makes it to the green. Jesus gets up to swing, cranks it out, and it is headed for the water hazard. Jesus closes his eyes and prays. The ball skips across the water and lands on the green two feet from the hole. The old man's turn comes and he drives the ball. The ball looks like it is going to drop directly into the water. A fish jumps from the water hazard swallowing the ball, as an eagle drops from the sky, grabbing the fish. As the eagle flies over the green, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, making it drop the fish. As the fish hits the green, it spits out the ball and the ball falls into the hole, making a hole in one. Jesus looks at Moses and says, "I really think I'm leaving Dad at home next time!" |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 15/07-2014 07:23
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question. As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.' He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?' She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tyres.. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 17/07-2014 06:39
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
(This is supposedly a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida) An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed. Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable. |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 18/07-2014 07:56
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What are you doing?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten bastard," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked, scaring the kids!" |
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