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 Dagens joke
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| Papa |
Lagt på d. 25/04-2014 18:13
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 Øvet medlem  Antal indlæg: 245 |
Boes skrev: A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in progress. A sign read: 'Don't miss Bruce The Amazing Scotsman'. The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an old Scotsman. Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out a huge willy and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the shoulders of the crowd. Ten years later the salesman visited the same little town and saw a faded poster for the same circus and the same sign 'Don't miss Bruce The Amazing Scotsman'. He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive, much less still doing his act! He bought a ticket. Again, the centre ring was illuminated. This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table. The Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and shattered the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member. The crowd went wild! Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show. 'You're incredible!' he told the Scotsman. 'But I have to know something. You're older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts 'Well laddie,' said the Scot, 'Ma eyes are nae whit they used tae be.' Nej, jeg kender det godt ......... 
"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that."  |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 27/04-2014 10:01
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 Ekspert medlem  Antal indlæg: 2688 |
One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, totally naked woman sitting in the back seat. "Where to?" he stammered. "Waterloo Station," answered the woman. "You got it," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror. The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?" The driver replied, "Well, ma'am, I can't help noticing that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare?" The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does this answer your question?" Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Got anything smaller "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Papa |
Lagt på d. 27/04-2014 11:06
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Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 245 |
Boes skrev: One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, totally naked woman sitting in the back seat. "Where to?" he stammered. "Waterloo Station," answered the woman. "You got it," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror. The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?" The driver replied, "Well, ma'am, I can't help noticing that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare?" The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does this answer your question?" Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Got anything smaller Du er sku da utrolig Boes .....  
"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that." |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 01/05-2014 06:36
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
We had a power cut at our house this morning and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, IPad & my new surround sound system were all shut down. Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat, and to top it off it was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf. I went into the kitchen to make coffee, and then I remembered that this also needs power; so I talked with my wife for a few hours. She seems like a very nice person. 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Kim Ludvigsen |
Lagt på d. 01/05-2014 10:30
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2627 |
Jeg er ked af at skulle sige det, men den joke holder altså ikke. Det ryger af sporet her: En smule regn stopper ikke en golfspiller. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 01/05-2014 13:25
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Kim Ludvigsen..... Har du prøvet at snakke med hende ... ?
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| 1viggovax |
Lagt på d. 01/05-2014 19:37
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 Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 376 |
jeg spiller ikke golf, men er tit endt i det 19 hul |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 02/05-2014 10:23
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Nårvi nu er ved golf....... A married man was having an affair With his secretary. One day they went to her place And made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep And woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed And told his lover to take his shoes Outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded. 'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had *** all afternoon.' She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying b*****rd! You've been playing golf!' "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 06/05-2014 09:28
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A dancer from Apex Bar, Pattaya was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex expert. Her doctor recommended that she see a well-known Chinese sex therapist, so she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chow said, "OK, take off all you crose." The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed.Dr. Chow then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did. Dr. Chow shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy, vewy bad.You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates." Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chow, what is Ed Zachary Disease?" Dr. Chow believed in being totally honest with his patients, so he gave it to her straight: "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Anonym Bruger |
Lagt på d. 09/05-2014 03:41
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Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 257 |
nu vi er i disse melodi grand prix tider, som i hovedsagen appelerer til bøsser og lesbiske, som direkte forguder det spetakulære menageri, kan vi jo lige tage den gamle traver. en bøsse ankommer skadestuen med ambulance da han hans dildo har sat sig fast i det første hul fra nakken, lægen beroliger ham med at den skal de såmænd nok få ud igen, hvorefter bøssen ser desorienteret på lægen og siger: ud? den skal sgu ikke ud, du skal bare sætte nye batterier i. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 10/05-2014 05:50
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
The Medical Distinction between Guts and Balls We've all heard about people "having guts" or "having balls". But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below... Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the blokes, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?" Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the blokes, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next." I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, as both ultimately result in death. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 12/05-2014 08:23
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
We have all been here... …..passwords. Please enter your new password ‘cabbage’ Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters ‘Boiled Cabbage’ Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character ’1 boiled cabbage’ Sorry the password cannot have blank spaces ’50bloodyboiledcabbages’ Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character ’50BLOODYboiledcabbages’ Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively ’50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAss,IfYouDon’tGiveMeAccessNow’ Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation ’ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow’ Sorry, that password is already in use "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 13/05-2014 14:23
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 Superadministrator  Antal indlæg: 6782 |
Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| Kim Ludvigsen |
Lagt på d. 13/05-2014 16:07
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2627 |
Han gør det da også helt forkert! Den rigtige fremgangsmåde er: . . . . . . . Kone, støvsug! |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 19/05-2014 08:44
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.' 'There's no need to, 'his wife replied. 'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!' 'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work. -------------------------------------- A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, About to be cremated, And made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part He had ever seen! 'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician Commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated With such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.' So, he removed it, Stuffed it into his briefcase, And took it home. 'I have something to show You won't believe,' he said to his wife, Opening his briefcase. 'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!' "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 21/05-2014 10:35
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife: Husband : I lost my wife, she went shopping & hasn't come back yet. Inspector : What is her height? Husband : I never checked. Inspector : Slim or healthy? Husband : Not slim, can be healthy. Inspector : Colour of eyes? Husband : Never noticed. Inspector : Colour of hair? Husband : Changes according to season. Inspector : What was she wearing? Husband : Not sure whether it was a dress or a suit. Inspector : Was she driving? Husband : yes. Inspector : colour of the car? . . . . Husband : black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door......................and then the husband started crying... Inspector : Don't worry sir,.....We will find your car "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Papa |
Lagt på d. 21/05-2014 18:48
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Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 245 |
Boes skrev: A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife: Husband : I lost my wife, she went shopping & hasn't come back yet. Inspector : What is her height? Husband : I never checked. Inspector : Slim or healthy? Husband : Not slim, can be healthy. Inspector : Colour of eyes? Husband : Never noticed. Inspector : Colour of hair? Husband : Changes according to season. Inspector : What was she wearing? Husband : Not sure whether it was a dress or a suit. Inspector : Was she driving? Husband : yes. Inspector : colour of the car? . . . . Husband : black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door......................and then the husband started crying... Inspector : Don't worry sir,.....We will find your car
"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that." |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 24/05-2014 10:34
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
The Defective Parrot. A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?' The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot. The guy replies........ ... 'You actually understood and answered me. !' 'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird' 'Oh yeah?' the guy asks. 'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.?' 'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook. You can't see it, because of my feathers.' 'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?' 'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.' The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.' 'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, 'cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer.!' The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the Auspost man.' 'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy. 'When he delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.' 'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?' 'Well, he came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot. 'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?' 'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.' Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?' ‘DUNNO?!? I got an erection, and fell off my perch.!' "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| BentBP |
Lagt på d. 24/05-2014 20:28
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 Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 213 |
Kan i se et billedet ?
Redigeret af BentBP d. 24/05-2014 20:46 |
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| Papa |
Lagt på d. 24/05-2014 20:32
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Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 245 |
Kom så med det........ 
"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that." |
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