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Nyheder
Se indlæg
 Dagens joke
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 06/10-2016 13:00
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 Ekspert medlem  Antal indlæg: 2688 |
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 07/10-2016 06:15
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 Superadministrator  Antal indlæg: 6782 |
Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 09/10-2016 17:31
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
At dawn the telephone rings. Hello, Senor Lucky? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country house. Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem? Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor, that your parrot died My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition? Si, Senor, thats the one. Damn! Thats a pity! I spent a fortune on that bird. What did he die from? From eating rotten meat, Senor Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat? Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse. Dead horse? What dead horse? The thoroughbred, Senor Lucky. He died from all that work pulling the water cart. Are you insane? What water cart? The one we used to put out the fire, Senor Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man? The one at your house! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire. What the..! But theres electricity at the house! What was the candle for? For the funeral, Senor. WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL? Your wifes, Senorshe showed up one night out of the blue and thought she was a thief. So I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver. SILENCE. � Ernesto, if you broke that driver, youre in deep $$it! "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 13/10-2016 18:43
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out. The guy sitting next to him can't believe what he just saw. He's more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him. The astonished onlooker asks, "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we're hundreds of feet above the ground!" The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all. SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. "You're really an a$$hole when you're drunk, Superman." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 14/10-2016 12:27
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses 500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue play standing until Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, "Ok, me lads, someone has to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?" They draw straws. Liam Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. "Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet.Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me." Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs Murphy answers and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares: "Your husband just lost 500 and is afraid to come home." "Tell him to drop dead!" says Murphy's wife. "I'll go tell him." says Gallagher. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 19/10-2016 10:36
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
John told his wife, "I've got a problem." She stopped him right there. "No dear, WE have a problem. We're in this together John. We married for better or for worse. Therefore, your problem is our problem." John sighed in relief. "Well, now it's hardly worth mentioning." But his wife was insistent. "Go ahead John’', tell me. What's wrong?" John answered, "Somehow, we got your sister pregnant 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 20/10-2016 07:17
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
I called an old school friend and asked what was he doing. He replied that he is working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment". I was impressed...... On further enquiring I learnt that he was washing dishes with hot water ....... Under his wife's supervision.
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 21/10-2016 06:30
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown Malbay, in County Clare, to get him to paint their likenesses. One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the nude. This being the first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, and she was willing to pay up to 10,000 pounds. Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife. They talked much about the Rightness and Wrongness of it. It was hard to make the decision but finally his wife agreed, on one condition. In a few minutes he returned. "T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus," he said "The wife says it's okay. "I'll paint you in the nude all right; but I have to at least leave me socks on, so I have a place to wipe me brushes." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Asian Farmer |
Lagt på d. 22/10-2016 12:52
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 Øvet medlem  Antal indlæg: 445 |
A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg,a hook for one hand, and a patch over one eye. Feeling sorry for the pirate, the man said,"Come over here friend. You look like you've had a hard life and I'd liketo buy you a drink." The pirate came over and ordered rum. "Just out of curiosity," the man said, "how did you lose your leg?" "Arrrgh!" said the pirate, "I lost that timber to a tiger shark in the Caribbean when I was thrown overboardfor stealing a man's rum." "That's just terrible. How did you lose your hand?" the man said. "Arrrgh!" said the pirate, "I lost that fighting cannibals offMadagascar under Admiral Hawk." "Oh my!" the man said, "I can't even imagine!How did you lose your eye?" "Arrrgh! A seagull pooped in it!" said the pirate. "A seagull!" the man exclaimed. "Is seagull poop dangerous?!" he asked. "Nay, matey, it was me first day with the hook..." |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 23/10-2016 06:38
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
*Pharmacist to customer:* *"Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription... Simply showing marriage certificate and wife's picture is not enough."* "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 25/10-2016 09:15
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Two female teachers took a group of students from grades 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Flemington Racecourse. When it was time to take the children to the 'bathroom', it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants, and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes and shake them dry. As she lifted one boy up, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring at his equipment the teacher said, 'You must be in Grade 3? 'No ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Black Caviar in the next race, but I really appreciate your help. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 26/10-2016 08:07
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
This bloke walks into a petshop and asks the attendant for a pet that requires absolutely no looking after. After a few moments the attendant tells him that they have a talking Centipede that does'nt need any attention. The bloke looks at him and says, "You're joking surely?" "Nope, its a fair dinkum talking Centipede, and you can have it for $50.00" The bloke forks out the $50.00 and takes the Centipede home in a little box. Later that evening he decides to go to the pub for a drink, leans over the Centipedes box and says, "Im going to the pub, do you want to come?" No answer. So he asks again, a little louder "Do you want to come?" Still no answer so he tries one more time and loudly says, "DO YOU WANT TO COME?" A voice from the box says, "No need to shout I heard you the first time, I'm just putting on my shoes" "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 27/10-2016 05:32
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge door It said, "this is not working. I'm going to my mothers." I opened the door. The light came on. The beer was cold. Just what in the hell did she mean? 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 28/10-2016 04:53
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A farmer decided* he wanted to go to town and see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "sir, what's that on your shoulder? The old farmer said, "that's my pet rooster chuck. Wherever i go, chuck goes." "i'm sorry sir," said the ticket agent "we can't allow animals in the theater." the old farmer went around the corner and stuffed chuck down his overalls. He then returned to the booth, bought a ticket, and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows* named mildred and marge. The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. . . The old farmer* unbuttoned his fly so chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie. "marge," whispered mildred. "what?" said marge. "i think the guy next to me is a pervert." "what makes you think so?" asked marge? "he undid his pants and he has his thing out", whispered mildred. "well, don't worry about it", said marge.. "at our age we've seen 'em all" "i thought so too", said mildred,* "but this one's eatin' my popcorn...!" "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 29/10-2016 06:17
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about the request and decided to talk to her about it. She asked: "Now Maria, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?" Maria replied " Well Senora, there are three reasons why a wanna increase, the first is that I iron better than you" Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?" Maria: "Jor huzban, he say so" Wife: "Oh yeah" Maria: " The second reason ezz that I am a better cook than you" Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?" Maria: "Jor huzban did" Wife: "Oh he did, did he???" Maria: "And the third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed" The wife now really boiling, through gritted teeth asked "And did my husband say that as well???" Maria: "No Senora......... the gardener did" Wife: " So Maria dear, how much do you want?" "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 29/10-2016 11:47
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Superadministrator Antal indlæg: 6782 |
Ja måske ikke ligefrem en joke men mere over i det utrolige... Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 30/10-2016 04:51
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Life just gets better as you get older, doesnt it? I was in a coffee shop recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realised that I desperately needed to fart. The place was packed but the music was really loud so, to get relief and reduce embarrassment, I timed my farts to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me. Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my IPod. This is what happens when senior citizens use technology! "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 31/10-2016 04:00
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
The no bell peace prize and the pulletsurprice He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells. John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Saint Lawrence County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well. Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| vandango |
Lagt på d. 01/11-2016 01:15
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 3980 |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 02/11-2016 04:00
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Dear Tide I am writing to say what an excellent product you have. I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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