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 Dagens joke
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| Thomas72 |
Lagt på d. 19/06-2016 18:41
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 Erfarent medlem  Antal indlæg: 1392 |
Taget fra facebook: [img]http://i.imgur.com/wXwE0u3.jpg[/img] is not a valid Image. Til Jer der rejser til Thailand for første gang, pas på!.
Thailand er vanedannende, stærk vanedannende!. Jeg ved hvad Jeg taler om. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 20/06-2016 09:09
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 Ekspert medlem  Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Tom took his dog to the vet. Doctor, he said sadly, Im afraid Im going to have to ask you to cut off my dogs tail. The vet stepped back: Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing? Because my mother-in-laws arriving tomorrow, and I dont want anything to make her think shes welcome. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 20/06-2016 15:55
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
http://s1160.phot...ort=3&o=44 "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 21/06-2016 11:53
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Maria - The Dildo Dipper.... http://www.udonma...=30805&t=1 [img][/img] "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| JohnBKK |
Lagt på d. 21/06-2016 13:01
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 4361 |
Hmmm... mon den passer til min kjole? Hun er da flot, ikke? Lidt korthåret dog..  |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 23/06-2016 08:27
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
YA KNOW, WHEN I WAS 25 AND GOT A HARD-ON, I COULDN'T BEND IT WITH BOTH HANDS.* *BY THE TIME I WAS 50, I COULD BEND IT ABOUT 10 DEGREES IF I TRIED REAL HARD.* *BY THE TIME I WAS 60, I COULD BEND IT 20 DEGREES, NO PROBLEM.* *I'M GONNA BE 70 NEXT WEEK, AND I CAN BEND IT IN HALF WITH JUST ONE HAND."* *"SO, WHAT'S YOUR POINT?"* *"WELL, I'M JUST WONDERING, HOW MUCH STRONGER AM I GONNA GET?* 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 24/06-2016 10:48
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| JohnBKK |
Lagt på d. 26/06-2016 19:22
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 4361 |
Oh, the Irish, I just luv the Irish, hahahaha! Way to go Capt.! “We don’t have an air traffic control spot. I thought they were going to delay us because they don’t want you there.”  |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 27/06-2016 16:48
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Late in the night, he finally regained consciousness. He was in the hospital, in terrible pain. He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his nose, needles and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and a nurse hovering over him. He realized that he was obviously in a life-threatening situation. The nurse gave him a serious, deep look, straight into his eyes, then spoke to him slowly and clearly, enunciating each word and syllable "You may not feel anything from the waist down." Somehow he managed to mumble a reply, "Ok, can I feel your tits then?" .....and that, my friend, is A POSITIVE ATTITUDE! 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| JohnBKK |
Lagt på d. 27/06-2016 18:02
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 4361 |
Hold nu Boes, mit navlebrok eksploderer snart! |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 29/06-2016 08:17
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, 'Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?' No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, 'You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the Principal, who will then fire you!' Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, 'Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?' Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, 'Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!' The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, 'Anybody?' Finally,Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, 'The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.' Mrs. Parks said, 'Very good, Billy,'then turned to Mary and continued. 'As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn't read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, VERY disappointed.' "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 30/06-2016 17:20
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A Guy Walks Into A Bar With An Octopus Under His Arm He sets the octopus on a stool next to him and announces: "This is an amazing octopus. I'll bet anyone in this bar $50 that this octopus can play any instrument set in front of it." None of the people could believe this, so one guy brought up a guitar. The octopus took hold of the guitar and started picking away, better than Jimi Hendrix. The man took $50 from the guitarist. Next someone brings up a trumpet. The octopus started playing the trumpet, better than Herb Alpert. The man won another $50 from the trumpeter. Then some guy brought up some bagpipes. The octopus picked up the bagpipes for a minute and, looking a little puzzled, set them down again. "Can't you play the bagpipes?" asked the man. "Play it?" said the octopus, "I'm gonna screw it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 01/07-2016 06:01
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
http://s1160.phot...r.jpg.html "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 02/07-2016 17:52
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Wedding Day A couple are getting married, and the minister asks, Is there anyone who knows of any reason this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony? A beautiful young woman, with young baby at arm, stands up and walks slowly to the front of the congregation. The bride turns, glares at the bridegroom, slaps him heavily across the face and begins to cry uncontrollably. The bridesmaids stare aghast and attempt to console the bride the groomsmen move to the bridegroom and try to help him. The minister asks the young woman, What is it you wish to say, my dear? The young woman answers, Nothing, I just couldnt hear what you were saying from up the back, so I moved to the front. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 04/07-2016 08:27
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A Whimsical Twist on the Human Condition... I told my son, “You will marry the girl I choose.” He said, “NO!” I told him, “She is Bill Gates’ daughter.” He said, “OK.” I called Bill Gates and said, “I want your daughter to marry my son.” Bill Gates said, “NO.” I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.” Bill Gates said, “OK.” I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO. He said, “NO.” I told him, “My son is Bill Gates’ son-in-law.” He said, “OK.” This is exactly how politics works . . . "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 05/07-2016 18:03
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Thank you for flying Qantas All part of the job and thank you for flying Qantas!! A mother and her 5-year-old son were flying Qantas from Sydney to Auckland. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked,If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the little guy walks up to the galley and asks the flight attendant, If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" The boy said, "Yes, she did. "Well then, please tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Qantas always pulls out on time, and ask her to explain that to you." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 06/07-2016 18:27
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Shopping .. A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says "Hello!" He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.' Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?' She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 07/07-2016 16:47
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Den er laaang....... Just like a man!! ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!! Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer. The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another. The directions said that: a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, ' Don 't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!! I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution: There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return! PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it! If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!! Boes "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 08/07-2016 16:43
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A couple of the Travelling fraternity (the PC coming out in me) :roll: who work at the travelling circus go to an adoption agency. Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability to adopt. The couple produces photos of their expensive, 50 foot Prevost motor-home, which is already equipped with a beautiful nursery. The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get. "We've arranged for a full-time tutor to travel with us who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills." Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment. "Our nanny/housekeeper is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet." The social workers are finally satisfied. They ask, "What age and *** of child are you hoping to adopt?" "It doesn't really matter, as long as it fits in the cannon." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 09/07-2016 11:44
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.' While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son..... 'Go get your Mother "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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