. Det er fanme alverdens ting man kan få lavet nu om dage. 
Nyheder
Se indlæg
 Dagens joke
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 22/04-2016 11:39
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 Ekspert medlem  Antal indlæg: 2688 |
The Italian fellow said: "Lasta night I massaged my beautiful wife all over her body with the finest olive oils....then we made mad passionate love and I made her scream non-stop for five minutes..... The Frenchman said: "Ahhhh oui....I hand and finger massaged mon petit angelic wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oils....then we made harmonious luuv, and I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight... The Aussie bloke said: "Crikey, that's nothing!!....last night I massaged my Gwendoline all over her body with ultra soft spreadable genuine Australian butter....I caressed her entire body right down to her toes and up to the nape of her neck...and then we made love.....and I made her scream for two longgg hours.... The Italian and the Frenchie, astonished, asked, "Two Hours?.. Voila! Sacre Bleu !! Phenomenal!!! "Tell us, how did you do it to make her scream for two hours?"..... "Struth!...Gwendoline didn't half go off, when I wiped me hands on her lounge-room curtains"....... 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 23/04-2016 06:14
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
PSYCHIATRIST VS. BARTENDER Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared and I think I'm going crazy." "Just put yourself in my hands for one year", said the shrink. "Come in and talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears". How much do you charge?" "Eighty dollars per visit", replied the doctor. "I'll sleep on it", I said. Six months later the doctor met me on the street. "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?", he asked. "Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck." "Is that so?" With a bit of an attitude, he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now!" FORGET THE SHRINKS, HAVE A DRINK AND TALK TO A BARTENDER! ITS ALWAYS BETTER TO GET A SECOND OPINION! "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 26/04-2016 10:22
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Myra Rhodes, an elderly lady, answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Good morning, Maam, said the young man. If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners. Go away! said Myra brusquely. Im broke and havent got any money, and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. Dont be too hasty, he commanded. Not until you have at least seen my demonstration. And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder. Myra stepped back and said with a smile, Well let me get you a spoon, young man because they cut off my electricity this morning. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 27/04-2016 08:07
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| JohnBKK |
Lagt på d. 27/04-2016 20:58
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 4361 |
In China, this is what they call a "Happy Meal"! |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 28/04-2016 18:00
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
"An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'. 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. 'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy ... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?' The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times"... "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 29/04-2016 10:12
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A Winchester woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk & asked, 'What's your hurry?' She replied, 'I'm late for work.' 'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?' 'I'm a Rectum Stretcher,' she responded. The cop stammered, 'A what?............ 'A Rectum Stretcher!' 'And just what does a rectum stretcher do?' 'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger in the rectum, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet' 'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot arsehole?' he asked 'You give him a radar gun & park him behind a bridge. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 30/04-2016 07:00
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
An Irish man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon, he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk shouts, "Yes, I am." So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him back and asks, "Brother, have you found Jesus?" The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus!" The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks, "Have you found Jesus, brother?" The drunk answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus!" By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk again -- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?" The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 30/04-2016 19:18
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
IN TIMES OF WORLD PROBLEMS HERE IS A TRULY HEART WARMING SENSITIVE STORY .. A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.. They get back to his place, And as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is Completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, With hundreds and hundreds of cute, Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed In rows, covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken Quite some time to lovingly arrange them And she was immediately touched By the amount of thought he had Put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along The bottom shelf, Medium-sized bears covering the Length of the middle shelf, And huge, enormous bears running All the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an Obviously masculine guy To have such a large collection of Teddy Bears, She is quite impressed by his Sensitive side. But doesn't mention this to him. They share a bottle of wine and Continue talking and, After awhile, she finds herself Thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy Could be the one! Maybe he could be the future Father of my children?' She turns to him and kisses him Lightly on the lips He responds warmly They continue to kiss, the passion builds, And he romantically lifts her in His arms and carries her into his bedroom Where they rip off each other's Clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she Responds with more passion, More creativity, more heat than she Has ever known. After an intense, explosive night Of raw passion with this sensitive guy, They are lying there together in The afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently Strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?' The guy gently smiles at her, Strokes her cheek, Looks deeply into her eyes, And says: 'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf.' "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 02/05-2016 16:17
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
A Horse & a chicken were best friends. One day, the horse fell into a hole. The Chicken called a farmer who used his Audi Q7 Quattro to pull out the horse. The horse was very happy & thought that someday he would return the favour. Then one day the chicken fell into the hole. The horse lowered his dick & pulled the chicken out.. The Chicken was damn impressed.. Moral of the story- If you have a horse's dick, you don't need an Audi to pick up chicks ! |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 03/05-2016 13:25
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Det swinger i Khon Khan... https://www.faceb...958684046/ k "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 04/05-2016 16:19
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Florida woman saves herself in alligator attack using a small Beretta pistol . This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.... Here is her story in her own words: "While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside of my home in Florida with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. The alligator must have been protecting her young and her home because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took.... The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyers fees was really incredible. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 05/05-2016 08:05
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asked softly, stoking his face with both hands. "Actually no"..he replied. "Can you get him for me..I need to speak to him," she said running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't." breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say... "Tell him..." she whispered, "There's no toilet paper - hand soap - or paper towels in the ladies room....." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 07/05-2016 04:08
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A charity pantomime in aid of Paranoid Schizophrenics and Homosexual descended into chaos yesterday when somebody shouted : 'He's behind you!'
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 08/05-2016 08:13
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me a smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears… I love you!” Her husband, typically non-romantic, replied: I am on the toilet - Please advice!” "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 10/05-2016 05:06
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
"WALKING ON THE GRASS..." The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path." "Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both." The room became very quiet as the men absorbed and pondered this information. After a few moments a man at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand. "Yes?" asked the instructor. "I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carried a golf bag?" This level of sensitivity just can't be taught. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 10/05-2016 05:14
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
"WALKING ON THE GRASS..." The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path." "Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both." The room became very quiet as the men absorbed and pondered this information. After a few moments a man at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand. "Yes?" asked the instructor. "I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carried a golf bag?" This level of sensitivity just can't be taught. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| JohnBKK |
Lagt på d. 10/05-2016 23:56
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 4361 |
Hvad kigger han mon på, hæmo´er??? [img]https://www.stickboybangkok.com/images/2016/05/the-boss-goes-biking.jpg[/img] is not a valid Image. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 12/05-2016 02:31
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Jeg fik tårer i øjnene og en klump i halsen da jeg laeste disse rørende kaerligdsdigte fra Australien.... Of course I love ya darlin You're a bloody top-notch bird And when I say you're gorgeous I mean every single word So ya bum is on the big side I don't mind a bit of flab It means that when I'm ready There's somethin' there to grab So your belly isn't flat no more I tell ya, I don't care So long as when I cuddle ya I can get my arms round there No Sheila who is your age Has nice round perky breasts They just gave in to gravity But I know ya did ya best I'm tellin' ya the truth now I never tell ya lies I think it’s very sexy That you've got dimples on ya thighs I swear on me nanna's grave now The moment that we met I thought you was as good as I was ever gonna get No matter what u look like I'll always love ya dear Now shut up while the cricket’s on And fetch another beer.. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 13/05-2016 04:32
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
En tår over tørsten.... [url] https://www.faceb...802569849/ [/url] "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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