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Nyheder
Se indlæg
 Dagens joke
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 10/03-2016 12:35
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 Ekspert medlem  Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Who's da B The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read: "I'm the Boss!" He then attached it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!". "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 11/03-2016 09:35
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Muslim immigrants are boycotting the U.S.A. and leaving by the thousands, showing their outrage with Donald Trump's proposed law of stopping all further Muslim immigrants till they can clearly check who they are. In the small town of Guadalupe, AZ, south of Phoenix, Mohammed Aabad is one of those who is punishing the U.S.A. by leaving. As he loaded his stolen vehicle with his stolen belongings, four wives ,fourteen children and goat the 21 year old Mohammed Aabad told this reporter through an interpreter "It's a matter of principle; I refuse to be supported by a state that treats me like a criminal". The effects of the exodus are being felt by American retailers, who are reporting dwindling sales of beer, spray paint, and ammunition. Also hit hard are the state hospitals, which have reported a dramatic decline in births and emergency room visits Mohammed Aabad told a reporter through an interpreter that he and his family are moving to Canada, where a Liberal government will pay for everything, and where hard working people, through their taxes, will support him and his family and with dignity Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it? "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 12/03-2016 04:00
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone." Immediately, the husband drove down town to confront the chemist, and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the chemist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realise that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys. "Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tyre. "When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing." He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of 10p coins against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the coins and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke." "Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a Rectal thermometer. "And believe me mr, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 13/03-2016 09:00
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. "Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks. "My partner and I got into a fight and she said she isn't talking to me for a whole month!" Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know ... a little peace and quiet?" "Yeah; but today is the last day!" "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 14/03-2016 08:22
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A suicide bomber died and went to heaven, as foretold. When he arrived there, he met Allah, and he said to Allah that he was ready to claim his virgins, as promised. Out of curiosity he asked Allah why there were so many virgins in heaven. Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied, "Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because assholes like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of ***. So you're here to service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous; and, frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty. And I shall banish you from Paradise should you fail!" The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?" Allah replied, "Who said they were women? "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 15/03-2016 14:26
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?' He answered, 'Call for backup.' "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| vandango |
Lagt på d. 15/03-2016 19:06
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 3980 |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 17/03-2016 10:42
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
The Cremated Husband  Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table. Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him.... “You know that dishwasher you promised me, but never bought me? I bought it with the insurance money!" She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, "Remember that car you promised me, but never bought me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!" Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said, "Remember that diamond ring you promised me, but never bought me? I bought that, too, with the insurance money!" Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, She said, "Remember that blow job I promised you?” "Here it comes." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 18/03-2016 07:37
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A drunk from Crinkle Cove, Newfoundland walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and is stumbling back and forth. A Mountie on the beat sees him and approaches, “Can I help you Sir?" "Yessh! Ssssomebody stole me carrr", the Newfie replies. The Mountie asks, “Where was your car the last time you saw it?" “It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the Newfie replies. At that time the Mountie looks down and sees the man's 'Pecker' hanging out of his fly. He asks the man, “Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" Momentarily confused, the drunk Newfie looks down at his crotch and blurts out…… "Holy ****....!!!! Me girlfriend's gone too!! "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 19/03-2016 08:53
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim Terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Lets have a look at the evidence: - No Christmas - No television - No nude women - No football - No pork chops - No hot dogs - No burgers - No beer - No bacon - Rags for clothes - Towels for hats - Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower - More than one wife More than one mother in law - You can't shave - Your wife can't shave - You can't wash off the smell of donkey - You cook over burning camel sh#t - Your wife is picked by someone else for you - and your wife smells worse than your donkey Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"?? Well no Sh#t, Sherlock!.... "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| vandango |
Lagt på d. 20/03-2016 21:14
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 3980 |
En ældre mand kom op til lægen og beklagede sig over for meget luft i maven. Han slap hele tiden èn, fortalte han. - Men det er nu en fordel. De lugter ikke, og de er helt lydløse. Jeg har faktisk sluppet et par stykker, mens jeg har talt med Dem, doktor. Lægen så roligt på ham og udskrev en recept. - Det forstår jeg ikke, sagde manden. - Næsedråber. Hvorfor det? - Vi må jo begynde et sted, svarede lægen. – Først må vi kurerer deres manglende lugtesans – og senere må vi kigge lidt på hørelsen….  |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 22/03-2016 18:11
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Kloge ord..... There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500.' Lynn Lavner 'It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.' George Burns 'Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.' Sharon Stone 'Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.' Tiger Woods 'My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.' Jack Nicholson 'Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.' Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady) 'Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.' Robin Williams 'According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.' Robert De Nero 'There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?' Dustin Hoffman 'There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.' Jerry Seinfeld 'See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time.' Robin Williams 'It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom.' Joan Rivers 'Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy.' Steve Martin 'You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.' Elmo Phillips 'Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.' Oscar Wilde "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 23/03-2016 09:14
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in. I asked the trainer standing next to me, "What machine should I use to impress that lady over there? The trainer looked me over and said; "I would recommend the ATM in the lobby." 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| vandango |
Lagt på d. 24/03-2016 14:12
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 3980 |
Sådan bliver man dansker? En lille invandrer dreng har været til prøve i dansk og har fået et 10-tal. Læreren synes det er flot og roser derfor drengen og siger, at nu kan han godt kalde sig dansker. Drengen kommer glad hjem og fortæller sin far, at han har fået 10 i dansk, og at læreren har sagt, at nu kan han godt kalde sig dansker. Faderen bliver meget vred og giver drengen en ordentlig lussing. Drengen er meget forundret, men går alligevel hen til sin mor, og fortæller hende den samme historie. Også moderen bliver meget vred og giver ham en lussing. Drengen synes det er mærkeligt og tier, for pludselig at udbryde: "Nu har jeg været dansker i tyve minutter og jeg er allerede blevet overfaldet af to invandrere". |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 25/03-2016 03:58
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Wise Italian Grandfather An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ... 38 revolver, so you will always remember me." "But grandpa, I really don't like guns ... How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?" "You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna DA business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. " "Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times up!' "? "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 25/03-2016 05:47
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
FIVE ANSWERS WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR: 1. WHAT ARE THE LITTLE BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR? They're Braille for "suck here". 2. WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS? It's the same as a French kiss, but "downunder". 3. WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS? Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear. 4. WHY ARE HURRICANES GENERALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN? Because when they come, they're wet and wild. And when they go, they take your house and car with them. (Note... they're not all named after women anymore,) 5. WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Because they don't have any balls to scratch! OK... someone sent me these in an email, and I had to share. If you're offended, good! |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 25/03-2016 15:48
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
I decided to go to the Liverpool Mosque for the first time to see what it was all about. I sat down and the Imam came up to me, laid his hands on my hand and said: "By the will of Allah and the Prophet Muhammad you will walk today.” I told him I was not paralyzed. He came back and laid his hands on me and repeated the same thing. Again I told him there is nothing wrong with me. After the prayers I stepped outside and, lo and behold, my ****** car had been stolen!
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 26/03-2016 00:27
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 Superadministrator  Antal indlæg: 6782 |
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Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 28/03-2016 20:38
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
En sexuelt misbrugt geds revanche........ https://zippy.gfy...yHare.webm "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 29/03-2016 05:39
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Two Irish nuns have just arrived to the USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously: "Which part did you get? "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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