. Det er fanme alverdens ting man kan få lavet nu om dage. 
Nyheder
Se indlæg
 Dagens joke
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| vandango |
Lagt på d. 15/02-2016 16:33
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 Ekspert medlem  Antal indlæg: 3980 |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 17/02-2016 14:59
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what they need at home? 1st kid says "A computer" Teacher replies, "that'd be very useful, every family should have a computer." 2nd kid says "We really need a lawn mower" and the teacher responds by saying that's an excellent choice. Little johnny pops up saying "At my house we don't need anything." The teacher asks him to think again carefully because everybody needs something. Little Johnny replies, "Nope I'm sure. When my sister started dating a Muslim, I remember Dad saying, Well, that's the last f***ing thing we need." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 19/02-2016 18:27
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, giving the guy in front of you the finger and cursing at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally ...... I assumed you had stolen the car.'' "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| JohnBKK |
Lagt på d. 20/02-2016 05:51
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 4361 |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 21/02-2016 05:21
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Father was obviously a mechanic...... Permalink Daughter to Father: "Dad there is something my new boyfriend said to me, that I didn't fully understand." He said that I' have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags, fantastic bumper,....and....do I prefer a manual gear change?'... Father's Response: "Go tell your new boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet, and attempts to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out...and he will start leaking from his exhaust pipe"....... "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 22/02-2016 11:43
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 24/02-2016 07:59
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
MERRY CHRISTMAS  "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 26/02-2016 20:33
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 Superadministrator  Antal indlæg: 6782 |
Kan ikke huske om den har været oppe tidligere.
Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 28/02-2016 05:45
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A Blonde goes to a shop to buy curtains. She says to the salesman, 'I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains. 'The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. The blonde promptly replies, 'Seventeen inches.'' Seventeen inches asked the salesman. 'That sounds very small, what room are they for? The blonde says, 'They aren't for a room, they are for my new computer monitor.' The surprised salesman replies, 'But Miss, computers do not need curtains!' The blonde says, 'Hellllooooooooo .....Mine has Windows..' "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 28/02-2016 06:31
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..." "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you." "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?" "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat". After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!" "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith. "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that." "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said. "Oh, my word!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look" "Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?" "It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away." "Tripod?" "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long." Mrs. Smith fainted |
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| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 28/02-2016 10:15
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
A male's most important Organ supposedly as described by some of these most beautiful women of the world at the Miss Universe Contest. Question: Ms Australia , how do you describe a Male Organ in your country? Ms Australia : Well, I can say that Male Organs in Australia are like labourers. Question: How can you say so? Ms Australia : Because they work day and night. (Applause! Applause! Applause!) Question: Ms Malaysia, how do you describe a Male Organ in your country? Ms Malaysia: Well, I can say that Male Organs in Malaysia are like Proton Cars. Question: How can you say so? Ms Malaysia: Because they look tough but are actually very soft. (Applause! Applause! Applause!) Question: Ms Kuwait, how do you describe a Male Organ in your country? Ms Kuwait: Well, I can say that Male Organs in Kuwait are like thieves. Question: How can you say so? Ms Kuwait: Because they like to enter through the back door. (Applause! Applause! Applause!) Question: Ms Philippines, how do you describe a Male Organ in your country? Ms Philippines: Well, I can say that Male Organs in our country are like gossips or rumours. Question: How can you say so? Ms Philippines: Because they pass from mouth to mouth. (Applause! Applause! Applause!) Question: Ms America, how do you describe a Male Organ in your country? Ms America: Well, I can say that Male Organs in our country are like gentlemen. Question: How can you say so? Ms America: Because they stand up every time they see a woman. (Applause! Applause! Applause!) AND THE AWARD GOES TO Ms India Question: Ms India , how do you describe a Male Organ in your country? Ms India : Well, I can say that Male Organs in India are like Rats. Question: How can you say so? Ms India : Because they are always searching for new holes day and night... (Applause! Applause! Standing Ovation) |
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 28/02-2016 10:16
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Superadministrator Antal indlæg: 6782 |
https://www.faceb...097074971/
Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 28/02-2016 16:59
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
I was sitting at a long stop light yesterday, thinking about what I would do to keep busy during retirement, minding my own business and patiently waiting for the light to turn green, even though there was no on-coming traffic. An old Nissan full of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American slogans, with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car, and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, stopped next to me. Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America!" and took off before the light changed. Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler truck came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car crushing it completely and killing everyone in it. For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man, that could have been me!" So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver! "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Pingus |
Lagt på d. 01/03-2016 07:36
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 Lidt øvet medlem  Antal indlæg: 70 |
1. To rockere taler sammen. – Har du stadig din Kæreste? – Nej, Hun døde af en forkølelse. – En forkølelse? Det dør man da ikke af. – Jo hvis man smitter mig, så gør man. 2. “Gå ned og hent mig en six pack, kvinde!” Sagde manden med en vis stolthed i stemmen og hans kone hentede ham 6 øl. Næste dag gentog manden ordren og nu havde konen pludselig fået nok. “Hent dine egne øl, dit svin!” sagde konen. “Hvis jeg skal hente mine egne øl! Ser du mig ikke i 3 dage!” sagde manden. 1.dag så konen ikke manden. 2.dag så konen heller ikke manden. 3.dag begyndte hun at se lidt med det ene øje. 3. Der er en gulerod, agurk og en pik. Så sagde guleroden: nå jeg bliver stor, bliver jeg spist. Agurken: Tror du, at du har det svært? – når jeg bliver stor og saftig, bliver jeg skåret over og spist. Pikken: tror I at I har det hårdt? – når jeg bliver stiv og saftig, får jeg en plasticpose over hovedet, bliver stukket ind i et sort hul og banket mod en væk, lige indtil jeg brækker mig og besvimer. 4. “Undskyld, frøken, men er De optaget under næste dans?” – “Nej da.” – “Fint. Så vil De måske passe på min drink, mens jeg danser med Deres veninde?” 5. En rig og succesfuld advokat kom kørende i sin limousine, da han så to mænd sidde og spise græs. Han sagde til sin chauffør at han skal holde ind til siden. “Hvorfor sidder I og spiser græs?” Spurgte advokaten. “Vi har ikke penge til mad” svarede den ene. “Så kom med hjem til mig, så skal jeg give jer noget at spise” sagde advokaten gavmildt. “Jeg har en kone og to børn. Den ene mand ser overrasket ud.”Jeg har en kone og seks børn, de sidder derover ved træet”. “Bare tag dem med, I skal være velkomne”. Da de alle, med besvær, var kommet ind i limousinen, sad den ene mand og takkede for advokatens generøsitet. “Åhh bare vent til vi kommer til min villa. Mit græs er omkring en halv meter højt! 6. Folk er blevet ret godt sure på BonBon, over deres nye tiltag af slik: ******-hjerner! Hvordan kan man tillade sig at sælge en tom pose der lugter af hvidløg! 7. Der sad tre kvinder på en bar. Så sagde den ene: “Ved i at jeg kan få en hel ølflaske op i skeden” Så sagde den anden: “Jeg kan da få en hel vinflaske op” Den sidste sagde ikke noget, men gled ligeså stille ned over barstolen. 8. Der står to mænd og snakker. – Den første: Hvorfor er din bil smurt ind i blod? – Den anden: Jeg kørte en indvandrer over. Den første igen: Jamen den er også smurt ind i mudder, og fyldt med grene og blade. Den anden: Svinet prøvede at flygte ind i skoven. 9. En nem trekant? Voldtag en gravid kvinde 10. Sønnen: Mor hvorfor spiser vi mennesker ikke aber? Moderen: Det er fordi, vi stammer jo fra aberne. Sønnen: Er der så derfor muslimer ikke spiser svin? 11. Hvorfor får orkaner altid pigenavne? – Når de kommer er de våde og vilde, og når de går tager de hus og bil med sig! 12. En dame kom hen til en parkeringsbetjent på gaden og sagde: – “De må hjælpe mig, der er en mand, der følger efter mig – jeg tror han er skør.” Politimanden kiggede lidt op og ned af damen og sagde tørt: – “Ja, det må han være.” 13. På første sal boede Ali, på anden sal boede Muhammed, på tredje sal boede Jafar, på fjerde sal boede Fatima og på femte sal boede Bjarne. En formiddag styrtede hele huset sammen, ved du hvem der overlevede? Det gjorde Bjarne for han var på arbejde! 14. De mødte hinanden på en bar og vågnede op i samme seng. Jeg ved hvad du laver sagde pigen, du er pædagog. Ja, men hvordan vidste du det? På dit lilla undertøj. Nå sagde han, så må du jo være narkoselæge. Ja men hvordan vidste du det? Jeg kunne ikke mærke en skid! 15. Hvad er den sværeste del af en grøntsag, at få igennem en kødhakker? Kørestolen. 16. Ægteparret har et stort skænderi om morgenen, men da manden kommer hjem om aftenen, har han en stor buket roser med til hende. – “Ha! Og så forventer du vel, at jeg skal sprede ben for dem?” – “Tja, hvis du ikke har en vase, der er stor nok.” 17. En pige lægger sine varer op ved kassen: 1 tomat, 1 lille pose kaffe, 1 frossen færdigret, 1 tærte, 1 müslibar og en frossen pizza! Manden ved kassen spørger smilende: – Single, hva? Pigen smiler kælent tilbage og svarer: – Hvordan kunne du gætte det? Han svarer: – Fordi du er så grim! 18. Hvad kalder man en tissemand, der ikke er blevet vasket i 14 dage? – En ostehaps. 19. To mænd i dan australske ørken. Den ene går om bag en kaktus for at tisse, HAPS, han bliver bidt i tisseren af en giftig slange. – Hjælp, råbte han til vennen, der straks ringede til de flyvende læger. – Hvad skal jeg gøre? min ven er blevet bidt af en giftig slange! – Du er nød til at suge giften ud ellers dør han om 5 min! Han lagde røret. – Hvad sagde de, hvad sagde de? råbte vennen desperat. – Du dør om 5 min! |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 02/03-2016 17:31
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
5,000 young Brits missing on Ko Farang[b][/b] [url] http://privatetye...-ko-farang [/url] "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 04/03-2016 05:29
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A bloke had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty. He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there. "No," the man replied, "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the first bloke. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the World..and not use it?" The second man replied "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife...but she passed away. This will be the first Super Bowl we havn't been together since we got married way back in 1967...." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that....how terrible for you. But couldn't you find someone else --- a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?" The man shook his head sadly,...."No, they're all at the funeral."..... "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 04/03-2016 05:34
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
The nurse asked a patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by the Doctor. "In...inf...in front of you?" He asks shyly... The nurse says: "Well no, but I've seen the naked human body before.... The patient said: "But not one like mine...you'd die laughing at my naked body." "Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse to the patient...."I'm a Professional, in over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient..not one." "Weeeel okay then," said the patient, and he proceeded to drop his trousers,...revealing a huge male body with the tiniest, weeny, microscopic, smallest male organ the Nurse had ever seen in her life.....if he was in the Army he would have been considered AWOL..absent without leave! In length and width, she silently thought to herself, it was identical to a AAA battery. Simply unable to control herself, the Nurse tried to stop her internal giggling...but it just came out. And worse, she started to convulsively laugh at the fact she was laughing... Feeling very badly indeed at the fact she had laughed at his Private Part, she composed herself as best she could..because she was a Professional.. "I really am soo sorry," she said, "I don't know what came over me...on my honour as a Nurse and a Lady, I promise that it won't happen again. "Now, please tell me, what seems to be the problem?".. "My penis is all swollen," he replied.... She ran straight out of the examination room.............. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| JohnBKK |
Lagt på d. 05/03-2016 05:47
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 4361 |
Dansk femi-nazi humor: Ved du hvor kvindens røvhul sidder når hun får orgasme? - Han sidder foran Tv'et og drikker bajere og ser fodbold. Ved du så hvad kvinden gør ved sit røvhul om morgenen? - Smører han to flade, og sender ham på arbejde!  |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 06/03-2016 16:32
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A man goes out to play golf... ..while his wife waits at home. He promises to be back by five. Five'o'clock comes and goes and the husband hasn't come back yet. Gradually, the hours tick by and no sign of the husband. The wife is about to go looking for him when the front door opens and the husband shuffles in. The wife is worried sick. "Where have you been? You said you'd be home by five, it's now eight'o'clock!" The husband replies with, "I'm sorry I'm late, but my friend Harry had a heart attack today in the middle of golf." The wife is shocked. "Oh dear! That's awful!" "I know! All day long it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry.. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 09/03-2016 16:11
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Loophole There was a man who had worked all of his life and has saved all of his money. He was a real cheapskate when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. Because I want to take all my money to the after life." So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died she would put all the money in the casket with him. When one day he died, he was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to their best friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait a minute!" She had a shoebox with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in there with that stingy old man". She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a very honest person, I can't lie. I promised him that I was to put that money in that casket with him". "You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?" I sure did, said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check." A baby grabs your hand when it comes into the world but when you die your hands are wide open, all you have been holding onto and grabbing in life materially is gone when you die. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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