Nyheder
Se indlæg
 Dagens joke
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 15/07-2015 06:31
|
 Ekspert medlem  Antal indlæg: 2688 |
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon “quickie” with their 8-year old son in the flat was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the street activities. Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation: 'There's a car being towed from the car park,' he shouted. 'An ambulance just drove past' 'Looks like the Anderson 's have visitors,' he called out. 'Matt's riding a new bike!' 'Looks like the Sanders are moving!' 'Jason is on his skateboard!' After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having a shag!' Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know that?' 'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar.' "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 16/07-2015 07:25
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Daughter: "Daddy, I am coming home to get married. Take out your checkbook. I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in California and he lives in New York. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype and now we've had two months of relationship through Viper. Dad, I need your blessings, good wishes, and a big wedding." Father: "Wow! Really!! Then get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon and pay through PayPal. And if you get fed up with your husband....sell him on Ebay." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 17/07-2015 13:18
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. "Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn't talking to me for a month!" Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know, ..a little peace and quiet?" "Yeah. But today is the last day!" "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 19/07-2015 05:27
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Den er IKKE kedelig , grin garanteres  https://video-arn...e=55AB39FD "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| JohnBKK |
Lagt på d. 20/07-2015 11:28
|
 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 4361 |
Faldt over Aids-Fondet og deres brevkasse, troede sgu´ lige en overgang det var en slags "Aids-Rokoko Posten", men den er altså go´nok: Spørgsmål: Har været I thiland hvor jeg har fik et blowjob og sluttede af med at komme i munden på en ladyboy.. er der chance for HIV? Det er sket for ca en uge siden og begynder at ha ondt I halsen nu. Svar: Nej, du kan ikke være blevet smittet med hiv. Hverken ved at få et blowjob - spyt smitter ikke - eller ved at komme i munden på din partner. Derfor er det at du har ondt i halsen heller ikke symptom på, at du skulle være blevet hiv-smittet, for det er du ikke. Venlig hilsen xxxxxxx, rådgiver Meget mere her: https://aidsfonde...brevkassen |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 22/07-2015 04:43
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Starting a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Wilson, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Henry. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.' The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Wilson, do you know the defense attorney?' She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Brown since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.' The defense attorney nearly died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.' "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 25/07-2015 10:18
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Two 90-year-olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, “Well, tonight’s the night we have sex!” And so they did. As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself: My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her! And the woman was thinking to herself: My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose! 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Papa |
Lagt på d. 25/07-2015 18:59
|
 Øvet medlem  Antal indlæg: 245 |
Boes skrev: Two 90-year-olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, “Well, tonight’s the night we have sex!” And so they did. As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself: My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her! And the woman was thinking to herself: My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose! Du kan sgu altid få et smil frem Boes! Tak!!!
"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that."  |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 25/07-2015 19:23
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Dejligt at høre - tak Papa !!! 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 26/07-2015 05:45
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a Virgin". "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. "Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; But he said he'd look into it and get back with me. "Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. "Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. "Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method. "Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. "Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it... "Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it. "Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it. "Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was lick it..... God I miss him! " But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".. Wonderful", said the husband, "but why? "You're with the "GOVERNMENT" This time I KNOW I'M gonna get screwed." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 27/07-2015 07:02
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
The thing I love most about hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops. Although they do make me look a bit gay. Question - are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please." Bloke comes home to find his son sitting on the couch, grinning from ear to ear. "What are you so happy about?" he asked. "I just made love to the girl next door" he says proudly. "Well done son. I hope you were wearing something." "Yup" he replied. "A balaclava." Paddy bursts into the Benefits office. I've been ringing 08001730 for 2 bloody days. Why don't you answer the bloody phone. Girl replies, those are our opening times. "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 30/07-2015 10:04
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Three men with terrible addictions go and visit the doctor. The alcoholic is the first to enter. “Well,” says the doctor, “you have damaged your liver beyond repair—if you have one more drink, you will drop dead.” Shocked, the man leaves, vowing never to drink again. The doctor’s next patient is a heavy smoker. “Right,” says the doctor, “your lungs are coated so heavily with tar that I’m afraid to say if you smoke one more cigarette, you will drop dead.” The man leaves, clearly shaken and promising himself to never puff on a cigarette again. The doctor’s final patient is a raging homosexual. “Well, I must say,” says the doctor, “I’m afraid that if you give in to your addiction just one more time, you will also drop dead.” The homosexual leaves, resigned to the fact that he will never have sex again. The three men are walking down the street when they pass a bar. The alcoholic can’t help himself and runs inside for his final sip of beer—and drops dead. The two remaining men are shocked but continue their walk down the road where they come across a whole burning cigarette lying in a doorway. The smoker stops to admire it—shaking. As he’s about to bend down and pick it up the homosexual turns to him and says, “You do realize, if you pick that up we’re both dead!”
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| hugoboerge |
Lagt på d. 02/08-2015 06:17
|
 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5534 |
This joke won an award for the Best Joke in a competition held in Britain... 4 friends (Ladies) meet 30 years after school at reunion..... One goes to take food while the other 3 start to talk about how successful their sons became. No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich, he gave his best friend a Ferrari. No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline became so rich, he gave his best friend a jet. No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development company became so rich, he build his best friend a castle. No 4. Came back with a plate full of food and asked what the buzz is about. They told her they were talking about how successful their sons became and asked her about her son. She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar. The other 3 said she must be very disappointed with her son for not becoming successful. " Oh no !! " said the Lady, he is doing good. " Last week on his birthday he got a Ferrari, a jet and a castle from 3 of his boyfriends..." . All the 3 Ladies fainted .... |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 03/08-2015 09:32
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Divorce - due to an unusual problem. A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, andr03; r03;asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?” > > She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle ofr03; r03;the property with a stream running by.” > > “No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?” > > “It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded. > > “I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?” > > “I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’sr03; r03;parents.” > > He said, “Do you have a real grudge?” > > “No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.” > > “Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?” > > “Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.” > > “Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?” > > “Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.” > > Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?” > > “Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me!” "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| rinpoche |
Lagt på d. 03/08-2015 15:57
|
 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5069 |
hugoboerge skrev: This joke won an award for the Best Joke in a competition held in Britain... 4 friends (Ladies) meet 30 years after school at reunion..... One goes to take food while the other 3 start to talk about how successful their sons became. No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich, he gave his best friend a Ferrari. No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline became so rich, he gave his best friend a jet. No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development company became so rich, he build his best friend a castle. No 4. Came back with a plate full of food and asked what the buzz is about. They told her they were talking about how successful their sons became and asked her about her son. She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar. The other 3 said she must be very disappointed with her son for not becoming successful. " Oh no !! " said the Lady, he is doing good. " Last week on his birthday he got a Ferrari, a jet and a castle from 3 of his boyfriends..." . All the 3 Ladies fainted .... Priceless  |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 06/08-2015 10:38
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. "Do you have health insurance?" she asked. He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?" He replied, "No money in the bank." Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun. He said, "I only have a spinster (gammeljomfru )sister, and she is a nun." The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law." 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Thjaa |
Lagt på d. 07/08-2015 12:11
|
 Meget øvet medlem  Antal indlæg: 644 |
hvorfor skal det hele være på udlansk her ind
Livet er forkort til store problemmer
|
|
|
|
| rinpoche |
Lagt på d. 07/08-2015 13:02
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 5069 |
Det skal det ikke nødvendigvis. Og du er da meget velkommen til at bidrage på dit modersmål. Samtidigt, må det forventes at Thailand farende eller bosiddende i Thailand besidder tilstrækkeligt engelsk til at kunne forstå de indlæg der postes i denne tråd. Hvis ikke? Så er det godt nok op ad bakke. |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 07/08-2015 15:47
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
De fleste vitser gør sig rent faktisk bedst på engelsk efter min mening, i.ø giver jeg Rin ret.....
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Dalton |
Lagt på d. 07/08-2015 16:50
|
 Øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 326 |
Ja, bliv endelig ved Boes, det er altid herligt at få et lille grin. Nu kommer jeg ikke så meget på værtshus mere, men førhen var der som regel altid nogle historier at høre. Det sjove var at nogen var fantastiske til at fortælle vitser mens andre ikke altid evnede kunsten, hvilket ikke altid var noget de selv var bevidste om... desværre. I dag oplever jeg mere og mere at folk viser hinanden deres smartphone med en vits eller en stump film i stedet for selv at levendegøre historien og det er lidt ærgeligt. Jeg prøver at få en ned på tryk som jeg hørte forleden: Jens kom sur og tvær hjem fra golfbanen og siger til konen: Nu gider jeg ikke at spille golf mere, hvad hjælper det at jeg kan skyde rigtigt langt når jeg ikke mere kan se hvor bolden lander... Konen: Jamen så tag da din bror med hans syn fejler ikke noget Jens: Min bror! Han er jo snart 90 år og småsenil.. Konen: ja men han har stadig et fantastisk syn Næste dag tog jens broderen med på golfbanen og indprentede ham at holde øje med hvor bolden landede. Jens slog ud, rigtigt langt, og spurgte så broderen: Så du hvor den landede? Ja, ja svarede broderen Godt sagde Jens Hvor? "Det kan jeg ikke huske"... Elefanten til musen: Du er godt nok ikke ret stor... Næ, sagde musen, Jeg har også lige været syg! Dalton |
|
|
|
| Spring til debat: |
