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vandango
Top  #1741 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 20/08-2017 14:28
I got so drunk last night I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest.
[img]http://cdn77.sadanduseless.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/drunk-russians2.jpg[/img] is not a valid Image.
 
Boes
Top  #1742 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 30/08-2017 07:04
After landing my new job as a Tesco greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day. Here’s what happened:
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, chavy woman walked into the store along with her two kids, shouting and swearing at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Tesco."
I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly chav woman stopped swearing long enough to say, "Don't be f*****ng stupid. Of course they aren't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one' s 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone f***** you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Tesco."
My Supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
Boes
Top  #1743 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 03/09-2017 08:42
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
Boes
Top  #1744 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 09/09-2017 11:33
I need advice! I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs: The phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with the girls a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep. Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not home. So, I hid in the garage, behind my boat and waited for her. When she came home, she got out of someone's car, buttoning her blouse. Then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, while crouching behind my boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket??? Plz any help would be appreciated i plan to go fishing this weekend!!
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
Boes
Top  #1745 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 12/09-2017 19:58
There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We have all heard of people having Guts or having Balls. But do you really know the
difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you
still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on
the butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Baby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically, speaking there is No difference in the outcome.
Both are fatal.Dead
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
Boes
Top  #1746 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 17/09-2017 11:43
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the

subject,and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos ofcappuccino,
and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of
the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her
hole.

The voice came once more,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

She stopped, looked skyward! and said,

"IS THAT YOU LORD?"

_THE VOICE REPLIED,_

_"NO!!!_

_THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK!"_
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
Boes
Top  #1747 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 29/09-2017 17:00
A man in his forties bought a new convertible car and was out on the highway for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 100km/h, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

Theres no way they can catch a convertible, he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 110, then 130. Then the reality of the situation hit him. What in hell am I doing? he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. Its been a long day, this is the end of my shift, its Friday the 13th, and I dont want to do any paperwork. If you can give me an excuse for your driving that I havent heard before, you can go.

The guy thinks for a second and says, Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.

Have a nice weekend, said the officer.
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
JohnBKK
Top  #1748 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 05/10-2017 17:11
 
Boes
Top  #1749 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 11/10-2017 06:15
[img]https://assets.thaivisa.com/forum/uploads/monthly_2017_10/smoking.jpg.cac6ea73d33e433974f2b7e291eb950d.jpg[/img] is not a valid Image.
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
Boes
Top  #1750 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 09/11-2017 07:47
https://youtu.be/...4E5vk?t=22
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
Boes
Top  #1751 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 14/11-2017 15:04
Wedding Night.

GrinOn the night of their wedding, the groom took off his trousers and told his new bride to try them on.

They dont fit, she said, as the trousers slide down to her ankles again.

And never forget it, said the husband. In this relationship, I wear the pants.

The woman looked at him for a moment, then began to undress as he watched eagerly.

Finally, she threw him her underwear.

Put those on, she told him.

He looked at the skimpy piece of fabric and then at himself. Ill never get into these.

Exactly, said the wife. And if you dont change your attitude, you never will!
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
Boes
Top  #1752 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 22/11-2017 17:09
ups - hvad sagde hun der ????


https://www.faceb...725733879/
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
Boes
Top  #1753 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 01/12-2017 06:37
https://youtu.be/...8LvuYw?t=5
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
Boes
Top  #1754 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 06/12-2017 05:32
Børnebog 2017....

"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
Boes
Top  #1755 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 26/12-2017 06:08

https://www.faceb...276630963/
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
Thomas72
Top  #1756 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 11/01-2018 16:44
[img]https://i.imgur.com/qvGCEuW.jpg[/img] is not a valid Image.
Til Jer der rejser til Thailand for første gang, pas på!.
Thailand er vanedannende, stærk vanedannende!.

Jeg ved hvad Jeg taler om.
 
Boes
Top  #1757 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 23/01-2018 06:30
Ett par har gift sig och ligger i sängen i bröllopssviten.
Frun säger lite blygt:
– Var försiktig, jag är oskuld.
– Hur kan detta vara möjligt? utbrister hennes nyblivne make förvånat. Du har ju varit gift tre gånger tidigare.
– Min förste man var gynekolog och allt han ville göra var att titta på den. Min andre man var psykiater och allt han ville göra var att prata om den. Min tredje man var frimärkssamlare och allt han ville göra var att … ja, herregud, jag saknar honom faktiskt!
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
JohnBKK
Top  #1758 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 30/01-2018 19:41
Wong place, wong time...

https://www.livel...1517292465
 
Boes
Top  #1759 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 01/02-2018 01:57
Amerikanske videnskabsfolk har opfundet og udviklet verdens tyndeste tråd.
Men da den er så tynd har de svært ved at måle den.
Altså besluttes det, at sende tråden til kineserne.
De har styr på det, med de små ting.
2 måneder efter kommer svaret fra Kina;
Vi er ikke i stand til at måle størrelsen.
Amerikanerne er lige ved at give op, men så får de en ide.
Vi sender tråden til Danmark.
Det gør de så.

Ankommet til Danmark venter merikanerne på svar.

Der går 45 minutter så er der mail i USA:
Altså ! Nu har vi målt på jeres trådmateriale.
Skal vi bore et hul igennem eller vil i have skåret et gevind på ? Hehe-guy
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein
 
vandango
Top  #1760 Udskriv indlæg
Lagt på d. 01/02-2018 17:25

Grin
 
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