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 Dagens joke
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| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 15/11-2016 10:22
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 Superadministrator  Antal indlæg: 6782 |
TIL ALLE ANSATTE 1. december:
TIL ALLE ANSATTE Det er med glæde, jeg kan oplyse at virksomhedens årlige julefest fejres på Steakhouse Argentina den 20. december. Der vil være julepyntet og et lille orkester kommer og spiller hyggelige julesange. Den viceadministrerende direktør kommer udklædt som julenisse og tænder juletræet. Der må gerne købes julegaver, men de må ikke koste mere end 200 kroner. Jeg ønsker jer og jeres familier en fredfuld advent. Tina Johansen Personaleansvarlig 2. december: TIL ALLE ANSATTE Det var ikke meningen at gårsdagens melding skulle udelukke vore tyrkiske kolleger. Vi ved, at deres helligdage ikke fuldstændig svarer til vores. Derfor vil vi fremover kalde julefesten for årsafslutningsfest. Der bliver desuden hverken juletræ eller julesange. Jeg ønsker jer og jeres familier en hyggelig stund fremover. Tina Johansen Personaleansvarlig 3. december: TIL ALLE ANSATTE Efter et diskret tip fra et medlem i Anonyme Alkoholikere, der kræver et "tørt" bord, er jeg glad for at kunne opfylde deres ønske, men vil samtidig påpege, at anonymiteten bagefter ikke kan garanteres. Desuden vil der ikke blive anledning til at give julegaver, da fagforeningen har protesteret og anført at 200 kroner er for mange penge at bruge på dette. Tina Johansen Ansvarlig for personaleforskning 7. december: TIL ALLE ANSATTE Det er lykkedes mig at få reserveret et bord langt borte fra buffeen for vores medlemmer af Vægtvogterne. Et bord nær toiletterne for alle gravide. Homofile skal sidde ved siden af hinanden. Lesbiske behøver ikke sidde sammen med de homofile mænd, men får et bord for sig selv. De homofile skal selvsagt nok få en blomsterdekoration på deres bord. Er I tilfredse nu..... Tina Johansen Galehusansvarlig 9. december: TIL ALLE ANSATTE Naturligvis kommer vi til at tage hensyn til ikke-rygere og forsøger at bruge et tungt gardin som kan adskille festsalen. Alternativt vil vi placere rygerne i et telt udenfor restauranten. Tina Johansen Ansvarlig for personaleundertrykkelse 10. december: TIL ALLE ANSATTE Vegetarianere! Jeg har bare ventet på at høre fra jer! Jeg er skide ligeglad om det passer jer eller ikke, vi går på Steakhouse!!!! I må for min skyld rejse til månen den 20. december for at sidde så langt borte fra "dødsgrillen" som muligt. Nyd salatbaren og spis rå tomater!! For resten har tomater også følelser! De skriger når man skærer i dem, jeg har selv hørt det!! Der fik jeg jer!!! Jeg ønsker alle en fandens jul, drik jer dødfulde og gå i koma!! Hilsen "bitchen" fra 3. sal!! 14. december: TIL ALLE ANSATTE Jeg er sikker på, at jeg taler på vegne af os alle, når jeg håber, at Tina Johansen snart er i god bedring. Der vil blive sat pris på, om I hjælper til og sender mange "God bedring"-kort til psykiatrisk afdeling. Ledelsen har for øvrigt bestemt, at der ikke bliver nogen fest den 20. december. I kan i stedet holde fri den 20. december på virksomhedens regning. Frederik Lindstrøm Fungerende personaleansvarlig Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 16/11-2016 04:48
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 Ekspert medlem  Antal indlæg: 2688 |
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| HCA |
Lagt på d. 16/11-2016 10:02
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 Øvet medlem  Antal indlæg: 103 |
Kære Hotline Sidste år opgraderede jeg fra Kæreste 7.0 til Kone 1.0 og bemærkede, at det nye program straks begyndte at kræve, at jeg installerede Børn 1.1, 1.2 og 1.3. Det tog en masse tid og brugte en masse ressourcer. Det stod der ikke noget om i produktspecifikationen for programmet. Oven i købet installerede Kone 1.0 sig selv i alle andre programmer og dukker straks op, når jeg starter computeren - og det overvåger alle mine aktiviteter. Gamle programmer såsom Pokeraften 10.3, Drukfest 2.5 og Søndagsfodbold 5.0 virker ikke mere. Når jeg prøver at køre dem får jeg beskeden: "Du har begået en ulovlig handling. Luk straks alle programmer der ikke understøttes af Kone 1.0". Det er umuligt for mig at holde Kone 1.0 i baggrunden, mens jeg forsøger at bruge nogle af mine yndlingsprogrammer. Jeg overvejer at gå tilbage til Kæreste 7.0, men jeg kan ikke engang afinstallere Kone 1.0. Kan I hjælpe mig? På forhånd tak Den forvirrede og frustrerede bruger --------------------------------------------- Svar fra hotline Kære forvirrede og frustrerede bruger! Dit problem er meget almindeligt, og mange klager over det samme. Problemet skyldes hovedsagligt en misforståelse. Der er mange mænd, der opgraderer fra Kæreste 7.0 til Kone 1.0, fordi de tror, at Kone 1.0 hovedsagligt er et nytte- og underholdningsprogram. Der tager de fleste fejl! Kone 1.0 er et styresystem, der er designet til at styre alt. Det er umuligt at fjerne Kone 1.0 for at vende tilbage til Kæreste 7.0, når Kone 1.0 først er installeret. Nogle har prøvet at installere Kæreste 8.0 eller Kone 2.0, men de endte med at have flere problemer end de før havde med Kone 1.0. Vi anbefaler at du beholder Kone 1.0 og får det bedste ud af situationen. Du kan eventuelt læse hele kapitel 6 i din manual "Almindelige Programfejl". Systemet vil køre helt perfekt, så længe du tager hele ansvaret for alle almindelige programfejl, lige meget hvad de skyldes. Det bedste du kan gøre er straks at skrive: \UNDSKYLD, før styresystemet vender tilbage til normal. Kone 1.0 er et storartet program, men det kræver en høj grad af vedligeholdelse. Du kan overveje at købe mere software for at forbedre ydeevnen. Vi anbefaler Blomster 2.1, Chokolade 5.0 eller i ekstreme tilfælde softwarepakken Pels 2000. Men du må under ingen omstændigheder installere Veninde i Miniskørt 3.3. Dette program understøttes ikke af Kone 1.0 og vil resultere i, at Kone 1.0 afinstallerer sig selv og samtidig fjerner ca. 50% af systemressourcerne. Veninde i Miniskørt 3.3 er i øvrigt et program, der kræver store systemressourcer og vil derfor ikke kunne køres med den begrænsede kapacitet der er tilbage, efter Kone 1.0 har afinstalleret sig selv. Med venlig hilsen Hotline |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 17/11-2016 19:01
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
The price of cock...... "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 18/11-2016 13:15
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Who is Jack Schitt? For some time many of us have wondered just who is JackSchitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, FullaSchitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them. Sincerely, Crock O. Schitt "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 19/11-2016 07:40
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87 year old said; "Well, I eat Italian bread every day.. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies." So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any Italian bread?" She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?" He said, "I want 5 loaves." She said, "My goodness mister, 5 loaves... don't you think by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard?" He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this Italian bread thing but me." "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| JohnBKK |
Lagt på d. 19/11-2016 09:02
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 4361 |
  A pheasant from China has taken the internet by storm this week, because, well, it bears a striking resemblance to President-elect Donald Trump https://www.buzzf....goR0kODEE  |
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| vandango |
Lagt på d. 19/11-2016 15:47
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 Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 3980 |
[img]https://i.sli.mg/veuwer3ner.jpg[/img] is not a valid Image. |
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| vandango |
Lagt på d. 19/11-2016 16:50
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 3980 |
Don't drink and .........?  |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 20/11-2016 12:51
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Vegetarian is an old Indian word for " poor hunter"
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 21/11-2016 08:10
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
WHAT'S THE NAIL FOR? Carol, a blonde city girl, marries a Cornish dairy farmer. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Carol, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?' So then the farmer leaves for the fields. After a while, the insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Carol takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one...right here.' Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, 'Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?' 'That's simple; by the nail over its stall', Carol explains very confidently. Then the man asks, 'What's the nail for?' She turns and starts to walk away and with complete confidence, says over her shoulder, ...... 'I assume it's to hang your trousers on.' "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| vandango |
Lagt på d. 21/11-2016 20:53
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 3980 |
An American tourist in Spain goes to a restaurant and notices another guy eating some weird thing. He calls the waiter and says, "Excuse me. Can I have that same dish, please?" The waiter says, "No sir, You can't." He asks, "Why not?" Waiter: "Because, sir, they are the balls of a bull." Man: "So what? I want them!" Waiter: "No, sir. You dont understand. Here in Spain, bullfights occur, and the balls of the bull are chopped off and supplied to our restaurant, so we get only one pair of bull's balls a day. If you like, I'll reserve the next pair for you." Man: "Okay, I'll come back tommorow." The next day, the man goes in and is served a pair of small balls. Outraged he asks, "What the hell is this! Yesterday's balls were much bigger!" Waiter : You don't understand something, sir. Sometimes the bull wins."  |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 24/11-2016 14:33
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Two Islamic fundamentalists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a Royal Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After take-off the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said 'I need to get up and get a Coke.' 'Don't get up,' said the Marine 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.' As soon as he left one of the Arabs picked up the Marine's shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the Coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good. I'd really like one too.' Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marine's other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbours, 'Why does it have to be this way?' 'How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?' 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 25/11-2016 04:42
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist. He says to his friend, "That's amazing. How did you get that?" The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smoke pops out and tells him that he can have one wish. So the man thinks and says, "I wish I had a million bucks." The genie says, "OK, go outside, and your wish will be granted." The man goes outside, but all he finds are ducks filling the sky and roads. He goes back in and tells his friend what happend, and his friend replies, "I know. Did you really think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?" "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 26/11-2016 06:14
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
My wife was wearing a short skirt today as she was cooking dinner. she went down on all fours to get a pan from under the sink and got her hair caught on the water pipes; not being one to miss an opportunity.....I buggered off to the pub!  
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 27/11-2016 11:25
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
George was not having a good day on the golf course. After he missed a 12-inch putt, his partner asked him what his problem was. Its the wife, George said. As you know, shes taken up golf, and since shes been playing, shes cut our sex down to once a week. Well, you should think yourself lucky, his partner responded. Shes cut some of us out altogether! "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 28/11-2016 11:40
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
These two guys were playing a round of golf, and they were going fine when they were held up by two women on the green ahead. These two women were half playing & half standing there just talking. They were as slow as a wet week. One of the guys said to the other, "Why don't you go up there & ask them if we can play through, then they can stay there all day if they want to. Well George went for a walk up towards the two women, got just over half way, turned & came back. Fred said to him, "What did you come back for???" George said, "I can't go up there, I just saw that one in my mistress & the other is my wife, You go." So Fred wandered off up towards the ladies, got about the same distance as George, turned & came back, looked at George and said, "Sh*t it's a small world isn't it." 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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| JohnBKK |
Lagt på d. 28/11-2016 20:42
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 4361 |
Se starten og spol frem til 1:24! |
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| JohnBKK |
Lagt på d. 28/11-2016 20:49
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 4361 |
...........  |
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| Boes |
Lagt på d. 30/11-2016 03:50
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Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
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