What happens when you ask for help with an erection lasting more than 4 hours?
I walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman I was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees. She then asked if she could help me. I said that it was something that I would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The lady pharmacist assured me that she was completely professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of professionalism.
I reluctantly agreed and began by saying, " This is tough for me to discuss, but I get erections every day that last more than four hours. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it. "
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister . "
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do.
....1/3 ownership in the store,
....A company pickup truck,
....A king size bed and
....$3,000 a month in living expenses"
A woman goes to the hospital.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.
"Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my Vagina."
The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said;
"Those aren't postage stamps my dear, they're the stickers off the bananas"
--------------------------
I was standing at the bar in a Bobawaba Pub and this little Oriental guy
comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer.
I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu,
Karate or Ju-Jitsu?"
He says "No, why the hell you ask me dat? Is it coz I Chinese?"
“No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little prick."
A man and a woman who had never met before,
But who were both married to other people,
Found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing the compartment,
They were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,....'Ma'am,
I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?
I'm awfully cold.'
'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight,..... let's pretend that we're married.'
'Wow!.......................That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.
'Good,' she replied. .............'Get your own f****** blanket.'
After a moment of silence, ........................he farted.
Honey, a car has hit me when I was going out of the office. Paula brought me to the Hospital.
They have been making tests and taking X-rays.
The blow to my head has been very strong, fortunately it seems that did not cause any serious injury, but
I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot.
THE "RODEO" POSITION
Two guys from Longreach in outback Queensland were riding the fences talking about their favourite sex positions.
One said, "think I enjoy the "rodeo" position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the jackaroo. "What is it ?"
"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your sister's.・f
Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds."
When Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely and always displayed prejudice and animosity towards him.
Also, because Gandhi never lowered his head when addressing him, as he expected... there were always "arguments" and confrontations.
One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University, and Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The professor said, "Mr Gandhi, you do not understand. A pig and a bird do not sit together to eat." Gandhi looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, "You do not worry professor. I'll fly away," and he went and sat at another table.
Mr. Peters, reddened with rage, decided to take revenge on the next test paper, but Gandhi responded brilliantly to all questions. Mr. Peters, unhappy and frustrated, asked him the following question. "Mr Gandhi, if you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money, which one would you take?"
Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, "The one with the money, of course."
Mr. Peters, smiling sarcastically said, "I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom, don't you think?"
Gandhi shrugged indifferently and responded, "Each one takes what he doesn't have."
Mr. Peters, by this time was fit to be tied. So great was his anger that he wrote on Gandhi's exam sheet the word "idiot" and gave it to Gandhi. Gandhi took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk trying very hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move.
A few minutes later, Gandhi got up, went to the professor and said to him in a dignified but sarcastically polite tone, "Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade."
Satire: Bornholm sunket i havet under Folkemødet
RokokoPosten 16.06.14 kl. 03:00
Vægten af de mange politikere, mediefolk og lobbyister fik i går aftes solskinsøen til at forsvinde ned i Østersøen. Danmark ledes nu af en samlingsregering med de tilbageværende folketingsmedlemmer, primært fra Grønland og Færøerne.
AF RokokoPosten
Foto: Bonnie Yelverton/Flickr.
Foto: Bonnie Yelverton/Flickr.
større|mindre
GEM ARTIKEL
Først troede den 23-årige praktikant Ida Vejlø, at hun så syner. At de sidste tre dages intens netværksdannelse og fadølsdrikning havde udmattet hende så meget, at det blot virkede som om, Bornholm var i færd med at synke ned under havoverfladen.
Men den var god nok.
»Jeg stod nede ved havnen med en praktikant fra Socialdemokratiet. Vi diskuterede social dumping og det bedste sted i Berlin at spise Currywurst, da jeg kunne mærke mine fødder blive våde. I løbet af få minutter stod jeg i vand til halsen,« fortæller Ida Vejlø, der som en af de få Folkemøde-deltagere formåede at svømme til den nærliggende Christiansø og derfra blive samlet op af en fiskekutter.
Drastiske midler
Ingen har hørt fra de andre 80.000 deltagere, og det har tvunget de få tilbageværende politikere til at tage drastiske midler i brug.
»Sammen med mine kolleger i rigsfællesskabet samt Karen Hækkerup, der som den eneste minister ikke deltog i Folkemødet, har jeg sat mig i spidsen for en ny samlingsregering,« erklærer det færøske folketingsmedlem Edmund Joensen fra Sambandsflokkurin, der vil fungere som statsminister, finansminister og leder af det nyoprettede Ministerium for Økonomisk Forgyldning af Færøerne.
Den akutte mangel på opposition har gjort det let for den nye regering at hastegodkende ny lovgivning. Eksempelvis skal færøsk og grønlandsk erstatte dansk som det primære sprog i alle rigsfællesskabets skoler, ligesom hovedstaden over en periode på 5 år skal opdeles og flyttes til henholdsvis Thorshavn på Færøerne og Nuuk i Grønland.
Bedre regeringsførelse
»Eftersom langt de fleste af Folkemødets deltagere var københavnere, regner vi med en hel del mindre brok, end der har været i forbindelse med metrobyggeriet,« forklarer 18-årige Simone Vedel, der indtil i går var piccoline for De Radikale, men nu er blevet forfremmet til transportminister. I det hele taget forventer den nye regering, at regeringsførelsen vil gå meget glattere fremover.
»Vi vil se langt mindre mudderkastning, færre personsager og større fokus på det, der virkelig betyder noget: Færøerne og Grønland!« udtaler statsministeren.
RokokoPosten er en parodi på den aktuelle nyhedsstrøm. Alle RokokoPostens nyheder er således fiktive, selv om de er stærkt inspirerede af virkeligheden.
While in China , a Danish man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.
A week after arriving back home in CPH, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “Iv'e got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here in Denmark, we know very little about it.”
Viggi looks a little perplexed and says, “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.”
The doctor answers, “I’m sorry, there's no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.”
Viggo screams in horror, “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!!!”
The doctor replies, “Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only option.”
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, “Ah, yes,
Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.”
Walter says to the doctor, “Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My the other doctor wants to cut off my penis!”
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. “Stupid docttah, always want opawate. Make more money dat way. No need amputate!”
“Oh, thank God!” Walter exclaims.
“Yes,” says the Chinese doctor. “Wait two week. Faw off by itself!!!!”
An elderly couple, who had just learned how to send text messages on their mobile phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.
She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."
A unemployed walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the
Counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.
The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got
one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his
nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black
Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the
meals are provided. You also have to ***** the young ladies on their
overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year'.
The unemployed said, 'You're bullshitting me!'
The man behind the counter said, 'Well you started it!'
On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.
The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when a wing is struck by lightning.
One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. 'I'm too young to die,' she wails.
Then she yells, 'Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril.
They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then a cowboy from Alberta stands up in the rear of the plane.
He is handsome: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.
He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt..........
One button at a time.........
No one moves................
He removes his shirt..............
Muscles ripple across his chest.........
She gasps....................
He whispers.................
'Iron this............ then get me a beer.'
En lidt genert kvinde henvendte sig til præsten, og udbad sig en samtale med ham efter den sædvanlige kirkegang én søndag formiddag.
Kvinden: Ja Pastor – det er lidt pinligt det her.
Præsten: Sig frem mit kære sognebarn og lad min høre hvad der trykker dig.
Kvinden. Jo ser de Pastor, i torsdags da jeg stod bøjet over fryseren kom min mand pludselig og tog mig bagfra.
Præsten: Det skal du ikke tænke på mit kære sognebarn – sex inde for ægteskabets rammer er én ganske naturlig ting – så det skal du slet ikke skamme dig over!
Kvinden: I tak Hr. Pastor, det glæder mig meget De ser sådan på det!
Præsten: Naturligvis gør jeg det, så det skal du ikke tænke på mere!
Kvinden: Tak Hr. Pastor – skal det så forstås således at vi forsat er velkommen her i kirken fremover?
Præsten: Naturligvis mit kære sognebarn - i vel altid være velkommen her i Guds hus!
Kvinden: Det glæder mig meget at De ser sådan på det – for bestyreren i Netto forretningen ønsker absolut ikke at se os der fremover!
Bob walked into a sports bar at 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did, too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
