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Du er sku da utrolig Boes .....

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We had a power cut at our house this morning and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, IPad & my new surround sound system were all shut down.

Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat, and to top it off it was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf.

I went into the kitchen to make coffee, and then I remembered that this also needs power; so I talked with my wife for a few hours.

She seems like a very nice person.

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Jeg er ked af at skulle sige det, men den joke holder altså ikke. Det ryger af sporet her:



En smule regn stopper ikke en golfspiller.

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Kim Ludvigsen.....
Har du prøvet at snakke med hende ... ?

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jeg spiller ikke golf, men er tit endt i det 19 hul

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Nårvi nu er ved golf.......

A married man was having an affair
With his secretary.

One day they went to her place
And made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep
And woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed
And told his lover to take his shoes
Outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had *** all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and said:

'You lying b*****rd!
You've been playing golf!'

---

A dancer from Apex Bar, Pattaya was very distraught at the fact that she had
not had a date or any sex in quite some time.

She was afraid she might have
something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a
sex expert.

Her doctor recommended that she see a well-known Chinese sex
therapist, so she went to see him.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chow said, "OK, take off
all you crose." The woman did as she was told.

"Now, get down and craw
reery, reery fass to odder side of room."

Again, the woman did as she was instructed.Dr. Chow then said, "OK,
now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did.

Dr. Chow shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy, vewy
bad.You haf Ed Zachary Disease.

Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf
sex or dates."

Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chow, what is
Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr. Chow believed in being totally honest with his patients, so he
gave it to her straight:

"Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed
Zachary rike your ass."

---

nu vi er i disse melodi grand prix tider, som i hovedsagen appelerer til bøsser og lesbiske, som direkte forguder det spetakulære menageri, kan vi jo lige tage den gamle traver.

en bøsse ankommer skadestuen med ambulance da han hans dildo har sat sig fast i det første hul fra nakken, lægen beroliger ham med at den skal de såmænd nok få ud igen, hvorefter bøssen ser desorienteret på lægen og siger:
ud? den skal sgu ikke ud, du skal bare sætte nye batterier i.

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The Medical Distinction between Guts and Balls


We've all heard about people "having guts" or "having balls". But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...


Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the blokes, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"


Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the blokes, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."


I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.


Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, as both ultimately result in death.

---

We have all been here...

…..passwords.

Please enter your new password

‘cabbage’

Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters

‘Boiled Cabbage’

Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character

’1 boiled cabbage’

Sorry the password cannot have blank spaces

’50bloodyboiledcabbages’

Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character

’50BLOODYboiledcabbages’

Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively

’50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAss,IfYouDon’tGiveMeAccessNow’

Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation

’ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow’

Sorry, that password is already in use

---

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Han gør det da også helt forkert! Den rigtige fremgangsmåde er:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Kone, støvsug!

---

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.

--------------------------------------

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
About to be cremated,
And made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part
He had ever seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician
Commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated
With such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'

So, he removed it,
Stuffed it into his briefcase,
And took it home.

'I have something to show
You won't believe,' he said to his wife,
Opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife exclaimed,
'Schwartz is dead!'

---

A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife:


Husband : I lost my wife, she went shopping & hasn't come back yet.
Inspector : What is her height?
Husband : I never checked.
Inspector : Slim or healthy?
Husband : Not slim, can be healthy.
Inspector : Colour of eyes?
Husband : Never noticed.
Inspector : Colour of hair?
Husband : Changes according to season.
Inspector : What was she wearing?
Husband : Not sure whether it was a dress or a suit.
Inspector : Was she driving?
Husband : yes.
Inspector : colour of the car? . . . .

Husband : black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door......................and then the husband started crying...

Inspector : Don't worry sir,.....We will find your car

---

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The Defective Parrot.

A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.

It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?'
The parrot says, 'I was born this way.
I'm a defective parrot.

The guy replies........
...
'You actually understood and answered me. !'

'I got every word,' says the parrot.

'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird'

'Oh yeah?' the guy asks.

'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.?'

'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook.

You can't see it, because of my feathers.'

'Wow,' says the guy.

'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?'

'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy.

I'm especially good at ornithology.

You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.'

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag.

'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'

'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, 'cause I don't have any feet.

You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer.!'

The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by.

The parrot is sensational.

He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful.

The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing.

'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the Auspost man.'

'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy.

'When he delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.'

'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously.

'THEN what happened?'

'Well, he came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.

'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?'

'Yes.

Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.'

Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?'

‘DUNNO?!? I got an erection, and fell off my perch.!'

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Kan i se et billedet ?

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Kom så med det........

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Det er fra indlæg 600 , men det virker åbenbart ikke Papa.

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